Popular jokes (15496 to 15510)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Jim Breuer: When Guy Friends Get Married
You tell your guy friends you got engaged, its like hearing someone died. What happened man? Wow. He was so young, man. What happened? He had his whole life ahead of him. Wow, I just saw him yesterday.#joke #short
Don Draper la
Don Draper laid out his clothes every morning.#joke #short
What is Matzo
A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park He sat down on a bench and began eating. A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him.Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzo to the blind man.
The blind man ran his fingers over the matzo for a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, "Who wrote this?!"
#joke #food #lunch #eating
A Breath of Fresh Air
A truck loaded with Vick’s VapoRub overturned on the highway.
Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours.
#joke #short
Lawyers have no heart
Then there was this medical convention where three surgeons met during a coffee break. They were chatting about different operations on different kind of people.
First surgeon: “I prefer Chinese. They have what it takes and their bodies are perfect.”
Second surgeon: “I like Vietnamese. They are so small and delicate that you have to have steady hands, else the incision is big. It's a challenge to operate on them.”
Third surgeon: “You are both novices. You don't know about lawyers. They are my favorite because when you open them, they have no heart and they don't have a spine. Also their heads and butts can be swapped.”
First surgeon: “I prefer Chinese. They have what it takes and their bodies are perfect.”
Second surgeon: “I like Vietnamese. They are so small and delicate that you have to have steady hands, else the incision is big. It's a challenge to operate on them.”
Third surgeon: “You are both novices. You don't know about lawyers. They are my favorite because when you open them, they have no heart and they don't have a spine. Also their heads and butts can be swapped.”
School Collection 01
A history joke
How did the Vikings send secret messages?
By norse code!
A math joke
Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!
A history joke
Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opneder?
He had a bee in his suit of armour!
A history joke
Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?
Pupil: I expect it's around Hadrian's garden miss!
A history joke
Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
Because there were so many knights!
#joke #animal #bee
A guy with a black eye boards ...
A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too.He says to him, "Hey, this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?"
The other guy says, "Well, it just happened, it was a tongue twister accident.
See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, 'I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh,' I accidentally said, 'I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh'....so she socked me a good one."
The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue-twister too.
I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife, "Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.'
But I accidentally said, 'You have ruined my life you evil, self-centered, fat-assed bitch.'
Instructions
I got this e-mail today. It had a diferent title, but it may offend some, so I changed it.#joke #short
Leading hand sanitizers claim ...
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Answering Machine Message 150
(Theme music and voice from Alfred Hitchcock Presents:) Good evening. I'm sorry, but Steve can't come to the phone now, as he's quite tied up. (Sounds of struggle in background, and voice heard through a gag.) I should know. I tied him up. But leave your name and number, and he'll return your call if he manages to get free. And speaking of things that are not free, we now have this word from our sponsor...
#joke
I Asked the Surgeon
I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic.
He said, "Sure, knock yourself out!"
#joke #short
Answering Machine Message 132
I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.
#joke #short
A guy goes to a girl's house f...
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room.She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel.
He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in.
He says, "What's this?"
She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
He goes, "Geez... oooh.... I..."
She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
