Popular jokes (16516 to 16530)

 A New Car From AOL

The AOL Car

1. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.
   
2. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.
   
3. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.
   
4. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.
   
5. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.
   
6. Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.
   
7. The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots'a pretty colors and lights.
   
8. The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.
   
9. Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months.
   
10. If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of them.
    
11. The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls to other AOL car cell phones.
    
12. AOL would pass a new car law forbidding AOL car owners from driving near other car dealerships.
    
13. AOL car mechanics would have no experience in car repair.
    
14. Younger AOL car drivers would be able to make other peoples AOL cars stall just for fun.
    
15. It would not be possible to upgrade your AOL car stereo.
    
16. AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more and gave worse mileage.
    
17. Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would wonder, M/F/age?
    
18. It would be common for AOL car owners to divorce just to marry another AOL car owner.
    
19. AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than they really are.
    
20. AOL cars would come with a steering wheel and AOL would claim no other cars have them.
    
21. Every time you close the door on the AOL car it would say, "Good-Bye."
    

---My memory's not as sharp a

---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
--- Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
---I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.
---I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.
---It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
---These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.
---Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up!
--- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

Shakespeare's works have...

Shakespeare's works have recently been climbing up the bestseller charts. It's a sonnet boom!

New Version of Playboy

Q. Did you hear about the new magazine for married men published by Playboy? A. It has the same pictures month after month after month after month after month....

That's Some Sick Ship, Man

Where does a ship go when it's sick?

To the dock.

Women with beautiful hands

Women with beautiful hands advertise bracelets, rings, nail polish.
Women with beautiful legs advertise stockings, tights, shoes.
Women with beautiful chest advertise bras, swimsuits, T-shirts, cars, washing machines, computer games, candy, furniture ...

A man went to the dentist to g...

A man went to the dentist to get his teeth checked.
While he was sitting in the chair being examined, the dentist said to him, "Have you done oral sex lately?"
The man replied, "Why yes, I did this morning actually.
How could you tell? Have you found a pubic hair stuck in my tooth?"
The dentist says, "No, not quite.
You've got some shit on the end of your nose!"

Q. What do you call a lad...

Q. What do you call a lady with one leg shorter than the other??

A. "I - lean"

Funny jokes-Smash ten bottles

 Answering Machine Message 84

This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. This is only a test.

Three handsome male dogs are w...

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.” The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.” “Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle. “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.” She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said “How well can you do?” “Ummmm...I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever. “My, my,” said the Poodle. “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.” She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?” The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says... 
“Liver alone. Cheese mine.”

Doctors without Boarde...

Doctors without Boarders is a charity that helps landed professionals find paying tenants.

We live in a society today whe...

We live in a society today where pizza delivery comes to your house before the police

I quit drinking and took up sh...

I quit drinking and took up showering: I'm clean and soapier.

Feet count

Marge was in bed with a man. All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. The man said, "Oh, my gosh, your husband is home!!! What am I going to do?"
"Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk he isn't going to notice you here with me."
The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than the thought of getting caught in bed with Marge, so he trusted her advice.
Marge's husband came crawling into bed and as he pulled the covers over him, he pulled the blankets, exposing six feet.
"Honey!" he yelled. "What is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!"
"Dear, youre so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me count them again."
The husband got out of bed, and counted, "One, two, three, and four... Gosh, you're right, dear!"