Popular jokes (16636 to 16650)

The deadliest kind of shrimp? ...

The deadliest kind of shrimp? Prawn-as.

“My noodle soup doesn

“My noodle soup doesn't taste that good. It really laksa certain quality.”

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"The High Holidays have nothing to do with marijuana."

 The Results Of Statistics

1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed
2. All polar bears are left-handed
3. If your car is stolen, there's a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear
1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles
2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles
3. Work stuffs up your eyesight
1. All dogs are animals
2. All cats are animals
3. Therefore, all dogs are cats
1. A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second
2. Ten babies are conceived around the world every second
3. Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of becoming pregnant

“He knew his lot in l

“He knew his lot in life was to create the world's greatest mosquito repellant. He had a deet with destiny.”

One day a guy noticed that he

One day a guy noticed that he had a red ring around his penis.
So he goes to the doctor and he gives the guy some cream and says, "If it doesn't work come back again tomorrow".
The guy went back to the doctor and said, "The cream you gave me didn't work!"
So the doctor gave him a different cream and said, "If that doesn't work come back again tomorrow".
So the next day the guy cam back and said, "This stuff you gave doesn't work either".
So the doctor gave him some more cream and said, "If the red ring is still there come back tomorrow".
The next day the guy came back and said, "The cream you gave me worked! What was it?"
So the doc said, "Nothing special... It was just a lipstick remover".

 Reasons To Leave Work

1. Not spending enough quality time with the kitchen applicances.
2. Came dressed in only a towel...again.
3. Ran out of paper clips.
4. I've decided to telecommute.
5. Ambassador to Belgium is at the White House.
6. It's a long drive home to Texas.
7. One-day sale at Macy's.
8. My brain is melting!
9. I think they found me out...
10. Accidently erased the whole week's work off the computer disk.

They say first year university...

They say first year university is difficult, but students actually sophomore in their second year.

Where's My Drink

After ordering a milkshake, a man had to leave his seat in the restaurant to use the rest room. Since he didn't want anyone to take his shake, he took a paper napkin, wrote on it, "The world's strongest weight lifter," and left it under his glass.
When he returned from making his call, the glass was empty. Under it was a new napkin with a note that said "Thanks for the treat!" It was signed, "The world's fastest runner."

In a Classroom the teacher ask

In a Classroom the teacher asks; Maria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.

Here is an actual sign posted

Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland UK:
1. Back Straight, Knees Bent, Feet Shoulder Width Apart.
2. Form A Loose Grip.
3. Keep Your Head Down!
4. Avoid A Quick Back Swing.
5. Stay Out Of The Water.
6. Try Not To Hit Anyone.
7. If You Are Taking Too Long, Let Others Go Ahead Of You.
8. Don't Stand Directly In Front Of Others.
9. Quiet Please...While Others Are Preparing.
10. Don't Take Extra Strokes.
Well Done. Now, Flush The Urinal, Go Outside, And Tee Off.

A couple from the kids...

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, 'There were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens.' 'How did you know?' his mother asked. 'Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,' he replied. 'I think it's printed on the bottom.'

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. 'What are you doing?' his mother asked. 'The box says not to eat them if the seal is broken' the boy explained. 'I'm looking for the seal.'

 Answering Machine Message 234

Thank you for calling, no doubt,
As you can guess, we're out.
When we get home,
We'll call on the phone.
Until then, just hang about.

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker

Give Satan an inch and he'll be a ruler.

I love Frog TV. It's jus

I love Frog TV. It's just so ribbiting.