Popular jokes (16861 to 16875)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Irish puns are the most ron
Irish puns are the most O'ffensive.#joke #short
Survival techniques
A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert.
"What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc.
Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand. "Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout Master.
Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards."
"Why's that Timmy?"
"Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..."
"And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently.
"Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top of that black ten!"
#joke #food
Funny jokes-Spanish lessons
Dewey and Odell met on the Brownsville main street.
"Say," said Dewey, "Ah hurd yew and yore wife is goin' ta night school ta take Spanish lessons. How cum?"
"Uh huh," answered Odell. "We went and adopted us a little Mexican baby, and we wanna be able ta understand him when he gets old enough ta talk!"
"Say," said Dewey, "Ah hurd yew and yore wife is goin' ta night school ta take Spanish lessons. How cum?"
"Uh huh," answered Odell. "We went and adopted us a little Mexican baby, and we wanna be able ta understand him when he gets old enough ta talk!"
#joke
A Faithful Woman
An elderly Muslim lady was well-known for her faith and for her confidence in talking about it. She would stand in front of her house and say "Allah be praised" to all those who passed by. Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!" Hard times came upon the elderly lady, and she prayed for Allah to send her some assistance. She would pray out loud in her night prayer "Oh Allah! I need food!! I am having a hard time, please Lord, PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!" One night the atheist happened to hear her as she was praying, and decided to play a prank on her. The next morning the lady went out on her porch and found a large bag of groceries. She raised her hands and shouted, "Allah be praised!." The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't." The old lady laughed and clapped her hands and said, "ALLAH BE PRAISED. He not only sent me groceries, but he made the devil pay for them!"#joke #prank #food
A Sudden Change Of Mind
My Dearest Susan,
Sweetie of my heart. I've been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won't you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won't you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so.
Yours always and truly,
John
P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
#joke
What do you get if you cross a...
What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?Mitch Fatel: Psychic Porno Spam
That porno spam is bad stuff, boy, because I want to delete it, but its almost like they have a chip in my head or something. Because I get these emails -- theyre like: Do you like hot, young girls in thigh-high stockings? Yeah. Do you have a credit card? I sure do. Do you want to add three inches onto your penis? Whos been reading my diary?#joke
Just Checking
A 5-year-old said grace at a family dinner one night. “Dear God, thank you for these pancakes.â€
When he concluded, his parents asked him why he thanked God for pancakes when they were having chicken.
He smiled and said, “I thought I’d see if he was paying attention tonight.â€
Two Women at the Pearly Gates
Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates and are comparing stories on how they died.Woman #1: I froze to death.Woman #2: How horrible!Woman #1: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?Woman #2: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. Woman #1: So what happened?Woman #2: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died!Woman #1: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer. We'd both still be alive.#joke
A grizzled old man was eating ...
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three very large, leathered bikers walked in.The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie, and then took a seat at the counter.
The second walked up to the old man, spat into the old man's milk, and then he too took a seat at the counter.
The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.
Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner.
Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his big-rig over three motorcycles."
what did the secend hand said ...
what did the secend hand said to the minet hand I think im lost because I am going in circul#joke #short
