Popular jokes (19006 to 19020)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
He's On Vacay
Just helped my neighbor throw a rolled up carpet in the dumpster...
Her boyfriend would have helped but he is out of town.
#joke #short
A candidate at a job interview
A candidate at a job interview was asked a tough question to which he mumbled an inaudible answer. The interviewer said "Come again?" The candidate got up, collected his file, went out of the room and came back again.#joke #short
A man has been undergoing medi
A man has been undergoing medical treatment, and meets with his doctor to review some tests.Doctor: I'm sorry, but I have bad news. Your condition is now incurable, and you have only 6 months to live. I recommend you get your affairs in order.
Man: That's terrible! Isn't there anything you can do? Surely there's some treatment!
Doctor: No, we've been using the best available medicines, and they aren't working.
Man: I'll try anything...what about experimental treatments?
Doctor: There aren't any for your disease, I'm afraid.
Man, desperate: Maybe alternate medicine?
Doctor, impatient: Well, I don't believe in that stuff, but if you insist...you can go to the spa up the road everyday and get a mud bath.
Man: Really? That will help?
Doctor: No, but it will get you used to dirt.
#joke #doctor
Office jokes-Always bad news
Jenine, a curvy blonde enters into John's cabin and says to her boss, "John, I'm afraid I've bad news for you."
John staring at his secretary's curves, replies, "Sweetheart, why do you always have to give me bad news? Give me some good news for a change."
Jenine replies, "Well, if you insist, the good news is that you are not sterile....."
John staring at his secretary's curves, replies, "Sweetheart, why do you always have to give me bad news? Give me some good news for a change."
Jenine replies, "Well, if you insist, the good news is that you are not sterile....."
#joke #blonde
One day, there's a man an...
One day, there's a man and his wife driving along a road. Suddenly out of nowhere, a freak cyclone sweeps through, overturning the car and ripping off both the man and woman's clothes. The Cyclone passes as quickly as it came, and the man finds himself trapped underneath the overturned car. He shouts at his wife to get help, who responds by telling him that she is wearing no clothes. "Put my shoes over your crotch!" he shouts "and go and get me help".She obliges, putting his shoes over her crotch, and flags down the next passing car. The driver gets out. "Help, help, it's my husband!" shouts the woman, to which the driver says, "Well if he's that far up, he's got no bloody chance!"
#joke
Toothbrush
How can we tell that the toothbrush was invented in Arkansas?
Had it been invented elsewhere, it would have been called a "teethbrush.
#joke #short
Christmas Eve Accident
Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something related to or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pockets and finds mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a candy cane, so he is also allowed in.The third man pulls out a pair of stockings. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?" "They're Carol's."#joke #christmas
When I saw a wicker furniture ...
When I saw a wicker furniture outlet in Copenhagen, I knew there was something ratan in the state of Denmark.#joke #short
Hmmm.........
A very old couple that have been married forever are sitting on their porch one night. Suddenly, the old woman reaches over and smacks her husband, knocking him off the porch and into the bushes.#joke #short
A guy goes to a girl's house f...
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room.She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel.
He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in.
He says, "What's this?"
She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
He goes, "Geez... oooh.... I..."
She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
I broke out in a waltz today.
I broke out in a waltz today. It was just once of those happens dance things.#joke #short
It's all in the punctuation: <...
It's all in the punctuation:An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."
#joke #short
Chuck Norris once bowled a 300...
Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Three buddies die in a car cra...
Three buddies die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the pearly gates.They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and
family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say
about you?
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was the
greatest doctor of my time and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful
husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our
children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"
#joke #doctor
