Popular jokes (19036 to 19050)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
SPORTS COMMENTATOR SLIP-...
SPORTS COMMENTATOR SLIP-UPS
1. "Sure, there have been deaths in boxing, but none of them serious." (Alan Minter)
2. "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!" (Pat Glenn - weightlifting commentator)
3. "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Darryl Gibson comes inside of him." (New Zealand rugby commentator Murray Mexted)
4. "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother." (Ted Walsh horse racing commentator)
5. "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." (Winston Bennett)
6. "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it, which is identical." (Murray Walker - F1 racing commentator)
7. "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my father and mother." (Greg Norman)
8. "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." (Terry Venables - Soccer Coach)
9. "I would not say that David Ginola is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better." (Ron Atkinson - soccer coach)
10. "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew." (Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977)
11. "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field" (Metro Radio)
12. "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seems to hang in the air for even longer." (David Acfield)
13. "What will you do when you leave football, Jack. Will you stay in football?" (Stuart Hall - Radio 5 live)
14. "And there goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class." (David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics)
15. "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them.....Oh my God! What have I just said?!!!" (US PGA Commentator)
16. "For those of you who are watching in black and white, the blue is behind the brown." (Ted Lowe, Snooker commentator)
17. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too as they were laughing so hard!
A group of chess enthusiasts c...
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
A couple of jokes about marriage...
A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Husband wanted'. Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'A little boy asked his father, 'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?' And the father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'
A candidate at a job interview
A candidate at a job interview was asked a tough question to which he mumbled an inaudible answer. The interviewer said "Come again?" The candidate got up, collected his file, went out of the room and came back again.Pizza
A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Mr. Smith asked: "What is the usual tip?"
"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."
"Is that so?" snorted Mr. Smith. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."
"What are you studying in school?" asked Larry.
The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."
Clothes you can't take o
Clothes you can't take off aka linger-y.On a tropical island
On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:Two Italian men and one Italian woman
Two French men and one French woman
Two German men and one German woman
Two Greek men and one Greek woman
Two English men and one English woman
Two Polish men and one Polish woman
Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman
Two American men and one American woman
Two Australian men and one Australian woman
Two New Zealand men and one New Zealand woman
Two Irish men and one Irish woman
One month later the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together having loads of sex.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The two Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Polish woman and they started swimming.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, while the American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend
respected her opinion and treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is improving - but at least the taxes are low and it's not raining.
The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for further instructions.
The two Australian men beat each other senseless for the Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men after calling them both 'bloody wankers'.
Both the New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.
The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and by setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few bottles of coconut whisky, but they are satisfied in that at least the English are not getting any.
Mr. T has no patience for bead
Mr. T has no patience for beady-eyed French lunatics. As he says himself, “Oeil petit des foux”The Spanish author w...
“The Spanish author would not bring refreshments to his uncles, but he would serve aunties.”
Running red lights...
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it; I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right through. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"
Hmmm.........
A very old couple that have been married forever are sitting on their porch one night. Suddenly, the old woman reaches over and smacks her husband, knocking him off the porch and into the bushes.An obnoxious drunk stumbles in
An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says, "No way buddy you're too drunk."A few minutes later the drunk comes in through the bathrooms, again he slurs, "give me a drink", bartender says "No man I told you last time you're too drunk"
Five minutes later the guy comes in through the back door and orders a drink, again the bartender says, "You're too drunk"
The drunk scratches his head and says "Damn I must be... the last two places said the same thing."
Smith climbs to the top of Mt.
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord. . "God, what does a million years mean to you?"The Lord replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks," Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute".
