Popular jokes (19606 to 19620)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
The comedy about the frozen Pe...
The comedy about the frozen Persian was quite Farsicle.Short Father Christmas
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
Santa Clues!
Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition.
Now thats what you call pot luck!
What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday ?
Freeze a jolly good fellow !
What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ?
Santapplause !
Twinkle Twinkle chocolate bar
Santa drives a rusty car
Press the starter
Press the choke
Off he goes in a cloud of smoke !
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas ?
Santa Jaws !
Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden ?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe !
Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas ?
Because they both have "Sandy claws" !
What does Father Christmas call his money ?
Iced lolly ?
What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents ?
Santa pause !
Silly Collection 06
What is Cheddar Gorge?
A large cheese sandwich!
What happens when you throw a green stone in the red sea?
It gets wet!
Why did the woman take a loaf of bread to bed with her?
To feed her nightmare!
What city cheats at exams?
Peking!
What makes the leaning Tower of Pisa lean?
It doesn't eat much!
Why is Alabama the smartest state in the USA?
Because it has 4 A's and one B!
Who invented fire?
Some bright spark!
White hairs...
One day, a girl walks to her mother and look at her mother's hair and sadly said: "Why are some of your hair white mom?"
The mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.
The girl thought about this revelation a while, and then said, "Momma, how come *all* of grandma's hairs are white?"
“Did you hear about t
“Did you hear about the ice cream that died recently? Hundreds and thousands attended his funeral.”
John and Tony were in the bar,
John and Tony were in the bar, pondering over Tony's problems."Andrea and I want to get married," said Tony, "but we can't find anywhere to live."
"Why don't you live with Andrea's parents?" suggested John.
"We can't do that," said Tony, "they're living with their parents!"
Doctors - What They Say / W
Doctors - What They Say / What They Mean"This should be taken care of right away."
Meaning: I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
"Well, what do we have here...?"
Meaning: He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
"Let me check your medical history."
Meaning: I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.
"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
Meaning: I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this is a waste of time.
- or -
I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.
"We have some good news and some bad news."
Meaning: The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
"Let's see how it develops."
Meaning: Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.
"Let me schedule you for some tests."
Meaning: I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
"I'd like to have my associate look at you."
Meaning: He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.
"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
Meaning: I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
Meaning: I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
Meaning: I think I'm going to throw up.
"This may smart a little."
Meaning: Last week two patients bit off their tongues.
"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"
Meaning: I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?
"This should fix you up."
Meaning: The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.
"Everything seems to be normal."
Meaning: Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.
"I'd like to run some more tests."
Meaning: I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
"There is a lot of that going around."
Meaning: That's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.
"If the symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
Meaning: I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Glad I'm off next week.
Old man to young boy: Can you ...
Old man to young boy: Can you come closer? I'm a little deaf and can't hear what you're saying from over there. Boy: I'm not talking to you -- I'm chewing gum!Lewis Black: Earth Day
We came up with Earth Day so we would have one day every year that would remind us what planet we were living on.A guy walks into a bar and the...
A guy walks into a bar and there is a horse serving drinks. The guy stares until the horse finally says, “What’s the problem? Haven’t you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?”The guy says, “No, it’s not that. It is just that I never thought the ferret would sell the place.”
They say that married men live...
They say that married men live longest. It's ironic, since they're the ones most willing to die.Free meat....
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted the butcher with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?
Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calender, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on HIS face!"
