Popular jokes (19621 to 19635)

 Police Are In A Chase

Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly.
The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, "Hey, sarge, why did you stop?"
The sarge replied, "He's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we'll never catch him."

The Piano Player

One day at school, the teacher was talking to the class

about there parent's occupations.

Jane put up her hand and said, "My mother is a nurse".

The teacher said, "That's wonderful, she helps to cure sick

people."

Andrew then out up his hand. "My father is a pilot," he

said.

The teacher said, "Congratulations! Your father helps people

get to where they are going."

Johnny then said, "Miss, my father plays the piano in a

brothel."

The teacher quickly changed the topic, but kept it in her

head for later reference.

At the parent/teacher night a month later Johnny's parents

came to see the teacher and the teacher asked him if he

really was a piano player in a brothel.

Johnny's father replied that he wasn't. But that is what he

told Johnny because he didn't want to admit to being a lawyer.

Quotes taken from Federal Gove...

Quotes taken from Federal Government employee performance evaluations:

1. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

2. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

3. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

4. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

5. "He's been working with glue too much."

6. "She would argue with a signpost."

7. "She brings a lot of joy whenever she leaves the room."

8. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

9. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, she's the other one.

10. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

Don't Got Milk?

Q: What do you call a cow that won't give milk?

A: A milk dud.

“My church has a well

“My church has a well-respected bell choir. I started to audition for it but the long practice sessions did not appeal to me. I am sorry now I did not inquire more about it out because now my chance is gong forever.”

“In the Episcopalian

“In the Episcopalian church, erring canons cannot be defrocked - they can only be fired.”

Rooster at the Gym

Why did the rooster cross the Gym? He heard that the referee was blowing fouls.

Accident

After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages, claiming that he was crippled and would have to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair.
Although the insurance company doctor testified that his bones had healed properly and that he was fully capable of walking, the judge decided for the plaintiff and awarded him $500,000.
When he was wheeled into the insurance company office to collect his check, Miller was confronted by several executives. "You're not getting away with this, Miller," one said. "We're going to watch you day and night. If you take a single step, you'll not only repay the damages but stand trial for perjury. Here's the money. What do you intend to do with it?"

"My wife and I are going to travel," Miller replied. "We'll go to Stockholm, Berlin, Rome, Athens and, finally, to a place called Lourdes--where, gentlemen, you'll see yourselves one hell of a miracle!"

Short funny jokes-First people in North America

How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.

“I gave my stressed o...

“I gave my stressed out feline too much elixir. Now it's catatonic.”

Did Henry Ford usher in the

Did Henry Ford usher in the Auto-man empire?

Your husband gets it double!

A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her. The woman and her husband got a divorce and the woman went on with her life hating her ex-husband. O ne day she found a beautiful lamp lying on the sidewalk. She picked it up and rubbed it a little bit. Suddenly, a genie popped out of the lamp! The genie said that it would grant her 3 wishes and that with every wish her husband it get the same thing only double!

So, the woman thinks of a first wish...

"I want to be rich!!!"

So, the woman became rich, and the husband became twice as rich!

The woman then thought of a second wish...

"I want to be beautiful!!"

So, the woman became beautiful, and the husband became twice as beautiful.

"Okay", the genie says. "This is your last wish so be careful what you wish for!"

The woman thought real hard and finally came to a decision....

"I Want You To Scare me HALF To Death!!"

Q. What can you give and keep

Q. What can you give and keep at the same time?
A. A cold!

Father Murphy walks into a pub...

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first
man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do
Father." The priest said, "Then stands over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to get to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply."Then stand over there against
the wall," said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and
said, "Do you want to go to heaven?" O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when
you die you don't want to go to heaven?" O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die,
yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

An Irishman and an American we

An Irishman and an American were sitting in the bar at Shannon Airport.
"I've come to meet my brother," said the Irishman. "He's due to fly in from America in an hour's time. It's his first trip home in forty years".
"Will you be able to recognize him?" asked the American.
"I'm sure I won't," said the Irishman, "after all, he's been away for a long time."
"I wonder if he'll recognize you?" said the American.
"Of course he will," said the Irishman. "Sure, I haven't been away at all."