Popular jokes (20416 to 20430)

Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system.

“I had an account wit...

“I had an account with a bank in the North Pole, but they froze all my assets.”

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.

Currently 5.86/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (7)

Tough times

A group of friends get together every Friday after work for a drink. One Friday, Jeff showed up late, sat down at the bar, and kicked back his entire first beer in one gulp.

He then turned to his pal Bob and said: "Times are getting tough, my friend. Earlier today my wife told me she's going to cut me back to only two times a week. I can't believe it!"

"You think you've got it bad?" Bob retorted: "She's cut some of us guys out altogether!"

#joke #friday #drinks #beer

Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily

Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

SLIDESHOW #251 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Business one-liners 04

A good scapegoat is hard to find.

A good slogan can stop analysis for fifty years.

A good solution can be successfully applied to almost any problem.

A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.

A little ambiguity never hurt anyone.

A little humility is arrogance.

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

A little ignorance can go a long way.

A man of quality does not fear a woman seeking equality.

A man should be greater than some of his parts.

#joke

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.

Currently 5.31/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (16)

What do you call a donkey with...

What do you call a donkey with three legs?

A wonkey!

Tony White, Loanhead
If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburgh news.com

The full article contains 37 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.

Page 1 of 1

#joke #short #animal #donkey

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day

Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Dancing Duck

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"

"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

#joke

Currently 3.14/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (7)

Hilarious jokes-Curing the illness

One day a drunk walked into a bar and ordered a gin and tonic. He drank half of it and poured the rest on the bartender. The bartender got angry, grabbed the drunk by the collar, pulled him close to his face, and asked, "Why did you do that?"
The drunk said very apologetically, "I am so very sorry sir. Please forgive me. I can't help it. It's an illness I can't get rid of. I am so ashamed of it. How can I make it up to you?"
The bartender answered, "Haven't you seen anyone about this problem?" The drunk replied, "I never thought of that. Maybe I will."
The bartender said, "Don't come back until you do get help," and the drunk left.
About three months later the drunk came back to the same bar, ordered another gin and tonic, drank half of it, and poured the rest of it on the bartender.
The bartender shouted, "I thought I told you not to come back until you got help!"
The drunk replied, "I did. Now I don't feel ashamed."

#joke #drinks #gin #tonic

Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures

Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

The mother of a 17-year-old gi

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying:
"Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

#joke #doctor #mother #mom

Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories

Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Macchu Picchu...

Macchu Picchu: Where face-recognition technology was developed.

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!

Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (10)

Choking on your breakfast can

Choking on your breakfast can be eggs aspirating.

#joke #short #food #breakfast #egg

Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!

Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

I Sing Beautifully

During tryouts for one of the chorus positions in the upcoming musical The Sound of Music, one of the girls told the judges, "Mother says I sing beautifully."
The judge replied, "Bring me a recommendation from your neighbors and I'll give you a tryout."

#joke #short #mother

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment

Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

Really funny jokes-Reliability of birth control pills

A blonde couple - Brenda and her husband, Joe go to their pharmacist and begin to ask questions like if the pharmacy checks for medications past their expiration date and the reliability of a certain manufacturer that makes birth control pills. After answering their queries, the pharmacist asks them what is wrong. Brenda explains, "I have been using birth control pills and despite that, I continue to get pregnant."
The pharmacist is astonished and asks Brenda if she takes the pills every day.
Brenda replies, "My husband Joe takes them every day."
"Why???" the pharmacist looks questioningly at the blonde couple.
"Oh, after we read all those possible side-effects, Joe offered 'Listen honey... I don't want you taking that stuff.. it's too dangerous.....let ME take them.' "

#joke #blonde #food #honey

Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures

Currently 3.09/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (11)

Two cattle drovers standing in...

Two cattle drovers standing in an Outback bar.
One asked, "What are you up to, Mate?"
Ahh, I'm takin' a mob of 6000 from Goondiwindi to Gympie."
"Oh yeah ... and what route are you takin'?"
"Ah, prob'ly the Missus; after all, she stuck by me durin' the drought

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes

Currently 5.36/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (11)

Sick Duck

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat.
The Doctor explained to the man that as ducks age their upper bills grow down over their lower bills and make it difficult for the animal to pick up it's food.
"What you need to do is gently file the upper bill down even with the lower bill. But you must be extra careful because the duck's nostrils are located in the upper bill and if you file down too far, when the duck takes a drink of water it'll drown."
The man goes about his business and about a week later the Doctor runs into his patient.
"Well, how is that duck of yours?" the Doctor inquires.
"He's dead." declared the heartbroken man.
"I told you not to file his upper bill down too far! He took a drink of water and drowned didn't he?" insisted the Doctor.

#joke #doctor #animal #food

Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

I made an mp3 of my car slowin

I made an mp3 of my car slowing down. It was a record braking event.

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!

Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

The four stages of life....

1. You believe in Santa Claus

2. You don't believe in Santa Claus

3. You are Santa Claus

4. You look like Santa Claus

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.

Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (9)

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