Popular jokes (21631 to 21645)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
The Birthday Gift
A grandmother sent her grandson a shirt for his birthday. The only trouble was that he had a size 14 neck and the shirt was size 12.
When the grandson sent a thank you note, he wrote, “Dear Grandma. Thanks a lot for the shirt. I’d write more, but I’m all choked up.”
Porcupine vs Ferrarri
What's the difference between a porcupine and a Ferrarri?
Porcupines have pricks on the outside...
Can you give me a push??
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.
He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.
So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??"
"No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says,
"Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the right thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.
He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push??"
And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"
And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing."
Not guilty?
After a two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?"
"Yes, we have, your honor," The foreman responded.
"Would you please pass it to me," The judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him.
After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, "Please read your verdict to the court."
"We find the defendant Not Guilty of all four counts of bank robbery." stated the foreman. The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the verdict and hug each other as they shout expressions of divine gratitude.
The man's attorney turns to his client and asks, "So, what do you think about that?"
The defendant, with a bewildered look on his face turns to his attorney and says, "I'm real confused here. Does this mean that I have to give all the money back?"
“If crop circles are
“If crop circles are real, does this mean that aliens have designs for our planet?”
Clintons Go To A Ball Game
Bill and Hillary Clinton are at a baseball game. As the game is getting ready to start, Bill stands up, picks up Hillary, and throws her out onto the feild. When he sits down, his cheif advisor leans over and says, "You know, Bill, you may have misunderstood me. I said you have to throw out the first pitch."Q: Why do married men gain wei...
Q: Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't?A: Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.
Back Seat Necking
The Kentuckian and his gal were embracing passionately in the front seat of the car."Want to go in the back seat?" she asked.
"Nope", he replied.
A few minutes later she asked, âNow do you want to get in the back seat?â
"No, I don't", he said again, "I wanna stay here in the front seat with you."
A guy had told all of his frie
A guy had told all of his friends about the great steak he'd eaten downtown the day before. A group of them decided to head down and see if it was really as large and delicious as he was making it out to be.The group was seated in the back of the restaurant. After looking over the menu, they ordered and waited, hungrily, for their large, delicious, gigantic steaks.
To their collective disappointment, the waiter brought out some of the smallest steaks they'd ever seen.
"Now see here," the very embarrassed guy said to the waiter. "Yesterday, when I came down here you served me a big, juicy steak. Today, though, when I have my friends with me, you serve tiny steaks! What is the meaning of this?"
"Yes, sir," replied the waiter, "yesterday you were sitting by the window."
Birth control pills....
An elderly woman went into the doctorÂ’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "IÂ’d like to have some birth-control pills."
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but youÂ’re 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."
The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"
The woman said, "Simple. I put them in my granddaughterÂ’s orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night."
Marriage counselor
Husband to counselor: We were very happy for 22 years.Counselor: What happened?
Husband: We got married.
Counselor, turning to wife: Do you agree with your husband's assessment of your marriage?
Wife: Yes, the only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
Knock Knock Collection 137
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Odysseus!
Odysseus who?
Odysseus the last straw!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ogre!
Ogre who?
Ogre take a flying leap!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ohio!
Ohio who?
Ohio Silver!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ohio!
Ohio who?
Ohio feeling!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Okra!
Okra who?
Okra Winfrey!
