Popular jokes (21751 to 21765)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Walks Into a Bar... Frugal Gorilla
A gorilla walks into a bar and says, A scotch on the rocks, please. The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill.The bartender thinks to himself, This gorilla doesnt know the prices of drinks, and gives him 15 cents change.
The bartender says, You know, we dont get too many gorillas in here.
The gorilla replies, Well, at $9.85 a drink, I aint coming back, either.
A man was at a bar one night a...
A man was at a bar one night and saw a beautiful redhead sitting in the booth opposite him. After about 5 minutes, he got up the guts to go talk to her. Just as he sat down, she sneezed and her glass eye flew out from her socket.On reflex, the guy shot out his arm and caught her eye and gave it back to her. They started talking and the redhead invited the man to go to a movie with her, then go back to her place for a nightcap.
In the morning, she cooked him a big breakfast of bacon and eggs and the man said, "Why are you being incredibly nice to me? Is this the way you treat all men who start talking to you?"
The redhead replied, "No, you just happened to catch my eye!"
Advil helps me edit my essays. I B proofin'. #joke #short
Move Along Folks
A cop breaks up a fight by two invisible men.
As the crowd gathers, he shouts, "Move along, folks. There's nothing to see here!"
A broom wedding...
Two brooms were hanging in the closet, and after they got to know each other a bit, decided to get married.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely and attended by all the push brooms and dust mops.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and whispered to the groom broom, "We're soon going to have a little whisk broom!"
"Impossible!" said the groom broom, indignantly. "We haven't even swept together yet!!!"
A farmer has 200 hens, but no ...
A farmer has 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell. The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've got this great rooster, named Randy. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem."Well, Randy the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Randy.
The farmer takes Randy home and sets him down in the barnyard first giving the rooster a pep talk, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said, with a chuckle.
Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house, and Randy took off like a shot.
WHAM! - Randy nails every hen in the hen house three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked.
After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Randy is in there. Later, the farmer sees Randy after flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! He gets all the geese!
By sunset he sees Randy out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught-worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day, to find Randy dead as a doorknob-stone cold in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful - and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, "Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."
Randy opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, "Shhh, they're getting closer."
“After the Hadron Col
“After the Hadron Collider was shut off, the surrounding atmosphere was a little Quarky.”
Your chances are better...
An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating proposing.
"Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend.
"Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90."
Racists and Lightbulbs
How many racists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?None -- they don't want to be enlightened!
When Jesus Was Born
Saints Dominic, Francis of Assisi, and Ignatius of Loyola are transported back in time and place to the birth of Our Lord.St. Dominic, seeing the Incarnation of the Word, is sent into ecstasy.
St. Francis, seeing God become a helpless child, is overcome with humility.
St. Ignatius of Loyola takes Mary and Joseph aside and asks, “Have you given any thought to his education?”
This joke was reprinted from "The Book of Catholic Jokes" by Deacon Tom Sheridan, with permission of ACTA Publications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.
Did I say he was dead?
A 60-year-old man went to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, "You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever; you have the body of a 35-year-old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?"
The 60-year-old responded, "Did I say he was dead?"
The doctor was surprised and asked, "How old is he and is he very active?"
The 60-year-old responded, "Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer."
The doctor couldn't believe it! So he said, "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?"
The 60-year-old responded again, "Did I say he was dead?"
The doctor was astonished. He said, "You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?"
The 60-year-old said, "He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a week during the summer. Not only that," said the patient, "my grandfather is 106 years old, and next week he is getting married again."
The doctor said, "At 106 years why on earth would your grandfather want to get married?"
His patient looked up at the doctor and said, "Did I say he wanted to?"
What's brown and sounds like a...
What's brown and sounds like a bell?Really funny jokes-Any fool
Kelly replied, “That is what I was going to do. But when I talked to my brother about this, he said that any fool can guide you in this. So I came straight to you.”
