Popular jokes (21766 to 21780)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Boogers and spinach
What is the differance between boogers and spinach?
You can't get your kids to eat spinach.
"This morning I felt that...
"This morning I felt that today was going to be my lucky day. I got up at seven, had seven dollars in my pocket, there were seven of us at lunch and there were seven horses in the seven o'clock race - so I backed the seventh.""Did he win?"
"No, he came in seventh."
The Giant With Diarrhea
Q: Did you hear about the giant with diarrhea?
A: You didn't? It's all over town.
How do monsters like their egg...
How do monsters like their eggs cooked?Dog Jokes 04
Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a cheetah?
A: A dog that chases cars - and catches them!
Q: What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
A: You can step in a poodle!
Q: What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear?
A: A petticoat!
Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion?
A: A terrified postman!
Q: What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic?
A: His bark was much worse than it's bite!
Q: What is a dogs favorite flower?
A: Anything in your garden!
Q: What dog wears contact lenses?
A: A cock-eyed spaniel!
Q: What's a dog favorite hobby?
A: Collecting fleas!
Q: What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a meal?
A: That hit the spots!
Q: What do you get if you cross a Rottweiller and a hyena?
A: I don't know but I'll join in if it laughs!
A Medical Lecture on Harmful Foods
'The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. The following are just a few examples:
Red meat is full of steroids and dye.
Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG.
High trans-fat diets can be disastrous
Germs in our drinking water.
But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it.
Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'
After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Yeah, ........Wedding Cake.'
Boat Troubles
During late spring one year, a blonde was trying out her new boat. She was unable to have her boat perform, travel through water, or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried.
After trying for over three days to make it work properly, she decided to seek help. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem.
Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. So, a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. Because he was laughing so hard, he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Under the boat, still strapped in place securely, was the trailer.
“What did the adult s
“What did the adult swan say to the singing baby swan? Is that your signature tune?”
A Texas Oil Tycoon and an Alas
A Texas Oil Tycoon and an Alaskan Oil Tycoon were debating on which state had the most oil. The Alaskan Oil Tycoon said, "Listen, there is so much oil in Alaska that I could buy enough gold to build a wall of solid gold 100 feet tall and 100 feet wide all the way around the state of Texas".The Texas Oil Tycoon scratched his chin and adjusted his cowboy hat and said, "Well boy, I'll tell ya what...you just go ahead and build that wall, and if I like it...I'll buy it".
If you love something....
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize you set it free...
You either married it or gave birth to it.
Whale communication
An expert on whales was telling friends about some of the unusual findings he had made. “For instance,” he said, “some whales can communicate at a distance of 300 miles.”
“What on earth would one whale say to another 300 miles away?” asked a sarcastic member of the group.
“I'm not absolutely sure,” answered the expert, “but it sounds something like this: ‘Heeeeeeey! Can you hear me nowwww!?!'
Standing on the tee of a relat
Standing on the tee of a relatively long par three, a confident golfer said to his caddy, "Looks like a four-wood and a putt to me."The caddy argued with him a bit and suggested that he instead play it safe and hit a 4-iron then a wedge.
The golfer was insulted and proceeded to berate the caddy on the tee telling him that he was a better golfer than that and how dare he under estimate his game.
So, giving in the caddy handed the gentleman the four-wood he had asked for.
He proceeded to top the ball and watched as it folled about fifteen yards off the front of the tee.
Immediately the caddy handed him his putter and said, "And now for one hell of a putt..."
Good To Be Canadian
Top reasons why it's great to be Canadian
- It beats being an American.
- Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
- You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
- Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground
- Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
- A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.
- Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
- Kill Grizzly bears with huge shotguns and cover your house in their skins
- Own-an-eskimo scheme.
- Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground
Knock Knock Collection 126
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Max!
Max who?
Max no difference. Open the door!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Maxine!
Maxine who?
Maxine the wave dude!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Maxwell!
Maxwell who?
Maxwell call later if your not going to answer!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
May!
May who?
Maybe its a friend at the door!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Maya!
Maya who?
Maya best friend?
