Popular jokes (22336 to 22350)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
A few observations on life<
A few observations on life1. Children. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them how to walk and talk. The next sixteen? Spent telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
3. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house faster than the police.
4. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
5. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
6. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
7. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
8. War does not determine who is right. It determines who is left.
Oh The Internet Is Slow
The Net is Slow
Oh, the network outside is frightful,
But on campus, it's so delightful,
Our packets have nowhere to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.
It doesn't show signs of stopping,
All our packets, our hosts are dropping;
Bandwidth is turned way down low,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.
When we finally connect to a site,
It's time to go back to the dorm;
But if I could stay here all night,
I could submit their Web form.
The network is slowly dying,
And, I fear, we're still denying,
But as long as Sprint is the way to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.
New Drugs for Men
With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth
a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the
performance of men in today's society.
DIRECTRA - A dose of this drug given to men
before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to
stop and ask for directions when they got
lost, compared to a control group where only 0.2
percent asked for directions.
PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug
were far more likely to actually finish a household repair
project before starting a new one.
CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a
sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care
tasks-especially cleaning up spills and little accidents.
COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of
middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their
wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if
its effects extend to noticing new clothing.
BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a
sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts
after taking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen:
whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than
your favorites store's return limit.
NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra.
Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S.
presidents.
NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making
men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse
with other family members.
CAPAGRA - Caused test subjects to become
uncharacteristically fastidious about lowering toilet seats
and replacing toothpaste caps. Subjects on higher doses were
seen dusting furniture.
PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave
men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the
personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent over-dose
turned three test
subjects into special prosecutors.
LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when
they are asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available
in Regular, Grand Jury
and Presidential Strength versions.
A boy was crossing a road one ...
A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The boy said, "Look. I'm a grad student. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
“What did the policem
“What did the policeman order at the restaurant? A search and seizure salad.”
Why should you just defecate i
Why should you just defecate in your hands if you really have to go?How many men does it take to c...
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? Who knows -- has it ever happened?Discussing Finances
A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."
The most famous novel about gl
The most famous novel about glaucoma is a tie between Eye, Cloudious, and You Less Sees.The Only Difference
Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
A: You can go to sleep with the light on.
Anti-men Jokes (Ladies Enjoy)
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I'vewanted to make love to you really badly. She
said - Well, you succeeded.
Used to being the center of at
Used to being the center of attention, Robbie was a little more than jealous of his new baby sister. The parents sat him down and said that now that she was getting older, the house was too small and they'd have to move."It's no use." Robbie said, "She's crawling good now and she'd probably just follow us."
