Popular jokes (22696 to 22710)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Was it a ghost?
There was this party in the woods and, all of a sudden there was a downpour of rain and thunder. These two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, and finally reached their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other.
All of a sudden an old man's face appeared outside the passenger window, and he tapped lightly on the window! The man on the passenger side screamed out, "Eeeeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face there!" (Was this a ghost?!?!?!)
This old man kept knocking, so the driver said, "Well, open the window a little and ask him what he wants!"
So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want???"
The old man softly replied, "Do you have any tobacco?"
The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants tobacco!"
"Well, offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies.
So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells, "Step on it!!!" rolling up the window in terror.
Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down, and they start laughing again, and the passenger says, "What do you think about that?"
The driver says, "I don't know. How could that be? I was going pretty fast."
Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock, and there is the old man again.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah, there he is again!" the passenger yells.
"Well, see what he wants now!" yells back the driver.
He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says, "Yes?"
"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks.
The passenger throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells, "STEP ON IT!"
They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again there is more knocking!
"OH MY GOD! HE'S BACK!"
He rolls down the window and screams out, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" in stark fear.
The old man replies, "You want some help getting out of the mud?"
Watch Out
An old man decides to go into town one day to run some errands in Jacksonville. On the way back to Vilano Beach, his wife calls his cell phone."Look out honey, I just saw on the news that there's a car driving the wrong way on Interstate 95."
"Not just one car, they all are!"
A visitor from Holland was cha
A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag."Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them."
"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."
Lightbulb... Christians
How many Christians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. The Bible makes no mention of lightbulbs.You got me!
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall, "$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!"
When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose!
The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, "You got me that time buddy, but I want you to know that's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!"
Top Ten Signs You Bought A Bad Computer
10. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.
9. It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.
8. In order to start it, you need some jumper cables and a friend's car.
7. It's slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics".
6. The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.
5. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.
4. The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"
3. The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"
2. The only chip inside is a Dorito.
1. You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.
You Might Be A Redneck If 10
You might be a redneck if...
You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!", "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin'?" (If they respond with the same... they're a redneck too!)
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
You've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
You clean your nails with a stick.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
Your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included.
People are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe.
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
A woman who had thrown a dinne...
A woman who had thrown a dinner party, at which raw oysters, curried lamb, and steamed mussels were all served, met her physician on the street the following day. “I’m sorry you weren’t able to come to my party last night,” she said. “You are so busy these days, and I think it would have done you some good to have been there.”“Your party has done me good,” he said. “I’ve just seen five of your dinner guests.”
“Seated in economy cl
“Seated in economy class in a budget airlines cash strapped, I tightened my belt all the way!”
Aussies: Dislike being mistake...
Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
There was once a monk who like...
There was once a monk who liked to peddle flowers in front of a large shopping establishment. He was a very annoying fellow, who would constantly beseech you to buy his flowers, and when you refused he would curse you with all the fire and brimstone he could muster.This was very annoying to the patrons of the shopping center, and they began to take their business elsewhere. The businessmen became upset, because this fellow was driving away all the shoppers.
One day, one of them got an idea. He ran off to the cattle yard, and purchased a lamb. He then came back and climbed to the roof of the building, threw the lamb over the side, killing the monk below as he was selling his flowers.
The other businessmen came up to him and asked, "Why did you do that?"
He replied, "I had to. Only ewes can stop florist friars."
