Popular jokes (22771 to 22785)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Converting to Hinduism has ...
Converting to Hinduism has dharmatic consequences.A motorist was unknowingly cau...
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.Really funny jokes-Bad at Maths
One of the kids put up his hand. "But teacher, there aren't that many in this class," he said.
Answering Machine Message 259
These words are lovely dark and deep
But I've got promises to keep
and miles to go before I sleep
So leave a message at the beep.
Tourists...
A group of American tourists was being guided through an ancient castle in Europe.
"This place," the guide told them, "is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years."
"Wow," said one woman dryly, "they must have the same landlord I have."
Answering Machine Message 80
Hi, dudes, this is 229-3053, the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles' secret underground hideaway. I'm afraid we're all out just now on a desperate mission to save the Planet from boring answering machine messages, but if you know what The Shredder has done to April O'Neill, or if you know where he is, or if you can think of a decent pizza recipe, just leave your name and number and we'll ring you right back. But don't say anything yet! Enemy agents may be listening. When the computer has checked they're not eavesdropping, it will make a bleeping noise and you can speak freely.A businessman met a beautiful
A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the afternoon with her for $500. They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his
secretary send a check for $250 and enclose the following typed note:
"Dear Madam:
Enclosed find a check for $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:
1 - it had never been occupied;
2 - there was plenty of heat; and
3 - it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.
However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large."
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note:
"Dear Sir:
First, I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.
Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady."
How to remember Greek mytholog...
How to remember Greek mythological trivia: use Agamemnemonics.Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime -- Little Johnny always takes the nickel.One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor man takes him aside and says, Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Dont you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickels bigger?
Johnny grins and says, Well, if I took the dime, theyd stop doing it, and so far Ive made $20!
On Exercising
1 - My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where in the worldl she is. <p> 2 - The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. <p> 3 - I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up. <p> 4 - I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. <p> 5 - I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body. <p> 6 - I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. <p> 7 - I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. <p> 8 - The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier. <p> 9 - If you are going to try cross-county skiing, start with a small country. <p> 10 - I don't jog; it makes the ice jump right out of my glass. <p> and last but not least.... <p> It is well documented that for every mile that you jog..... you add one minute to your life .... This enables you, at 85 years old.... to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.
Top 10 Reasons to Celebrate Easter
10. You absolutely love the movie, "The Ten Commandments."9. You look really, really good in yellow.
8. You just went on a low cholesterol diet and didn't want to waste all those eggs in the fridge.
7. You figure any Holiday that starts with a "Good Friday" can't be all bad.
6. You love to bite the heads off chocolate bunnies.
5. It's a good time to check out your neighborhood church and not be noticed.
4. You have this bunny suit you love to wear, but are too insecure to wear it without a reason.
3. Even though you don't know what it is, you really like the sound of going to a "Passion Play."
2. You figured since Jesus went to all THAT trouble to make it to the first Easter, you'd give it a shot.
1. As a Christian you celebrate the resurrection every other day, why not Easter too?
From EasterHumor.com
An acquaintance of mine who is...
An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then-four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Be still, my heart, thought my friend, gee, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps and be a doctor! Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"Silly Collection 19
What is the best day of the week to sleep?
Snooze-day!
How many rotten eggs does it take to make a stink bomb?
A phew!
What do cannibals eat for breakfast?
Buttered host!
What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams!
What does "Maximum" mean?
A very big mother!
What is full of holes but can still hold water?
A sponge!
Why is perfume obedient?
Because it is scent wherever it goes!
