Popular jokes (22786 to 22800)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
No room in the inn? Take it li...
No room in the inn? Take it like a manger!New Years Eve Quickies
A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.If 2014 was a person, I’d sue him for pain and suffering and lost wages.
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.
My New Years Resolution is to break my New Years Resolutions....That way I succeed at something!
Tonight the Mayor is dropping the ball in New York while Congress is dropping the ball in Washington.
There have been many times in 2014, when I have annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you, and bugged the hell out of you.
Today I just wanna tell you I plan to continue in 2015!
Conversations with Inanimate O
Conversations with Inanimate Objects:"You never did love me! You only want me for my money!" - Your ATM Card
"I can see right through you!" - X-ray machine
Conversation in the kitchen:
Refrigerator: (to microwave) "You're hot!"
Microwave: "I know. And you're not!"
Vacuum cleaner: "Geez, that's cold! Brr.."
Refrigerator: (to vacuum cleaner) "Shut up, you suck! Go and eat my dust!"
“The serial killer wa
“The serial killer was cut-throat in his business dealings and that's why he always made a killing.”
A deaf mute walks into pharmac...
A deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf. Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five dollar bill next to it.The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf mute, and then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket.
Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language. "Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."
Through the pitch-black night,...
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.”The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”
Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!”
“I’m a seaman, second class,” comes the reply. “Change your course, sir.”
Now the captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!”
There is one last reply. “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”
A woman went to the emergency
A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; after listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room. Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room.
"What the hell's wrong with you?" he demanded. "This woman is 63 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!"
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said,"Does she still have the hiccups?"
Short funny jokes-Watch your health
So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my granddad.
A man in a hot air balloon rea...
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the man, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I am still lost.  Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The man below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
How would Alien Spider Trump r
How would Alien Spider Trump rule? A: By eggsackutive order.The failed magician was a r
The failed magician was a wand erring soul.Corny Pick-up Lines
...Corny Pick-up Lines
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
Are your legs tired? You've been running through my mind all day long.
Can I borrow 50 cents? I want to call my mum and tell I just met the girl of my dreams.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
A woman asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" Man answers, "Yes, do you have the energy?"
Can I have directions to your heart?
Can I have your phone number? I seem to have lost mine.
Do you want to see something really swell?
Your hair is perfectly pH balanced.
Do you have 50 cents? My mother told me to call home when I met the girl of my dreams.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see myself in your pants.
I'll cook you dinner if you cook me breakfast.
Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?
At the office copy machine "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"
Ask: "Do you know what winks and makes love like a tiger?" (No?) Wink.
If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
Here's fifty cents .... call your housemate and tell her you won't be coming home tonight.
Hey baby, let's go back to my place and get something straight between us.
I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!
How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?
Do you wash your panties with Windex? Because I can really see myself in them.
You look like a girl that has heard every line in the book, so what's one more going to hurt?
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, cause baby you're the bomb.
You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
