Popular jokes (23041 to 23055)

 Answering Machine Message 130

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Corporate Booty Call... Fax

I wanna fax you up.

Walter White went from teachin

Walter White went from teaching chem to teaching meth.

Revenge is Sweet

There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years.

Bob joins a very exclusive nud...

Bob joins a very exclusive n*dist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?"

Bob replies "No, what do you mean?"

She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me."

Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few moments a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says: "Sir, did you call for me?"

Bob replies "No, what do you mean?"

The Huge Man says: "You must be new here. It is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me."

The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and sodomizes him. Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist: "May I help you?"

Bob says: "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee."

Receptionist: "But Sir, you have only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small part of our facilities..."

"Listen lady," Bob replies. "I am 58-years-old. I get a hard-on about once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks!"

Which bacterial illness is oft

Which bacterial illness is often caught by celebrities?

Was Dick Cheneyron

Was Dick Cheney into bondage?

How Many Men to Open

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to you!

Dan Naturman: Alumni Calls

You spend like a $100 grand in tuition, and you think youre done with them. Then for the rest of your life, theyre calling up asking for money. No one else does that. If I see a movie, I dont get a call from the theater, like, Were buying a new projector, can you kick in a few bucks? Were calling all the Spiderman II alumni.

Loft

Played a round of golf with the local course pro for some helpful tips.
After playing the first hole I turned to him for some advice and all he said was "loft".
So after the next 4 holes I asked him again and all he said was "loft"
Now we're done with the round and I asked him why after each hole all he would ever tell me was "loft " ?
To which the pro relies "loft" - "Lack Of F*cking Talent "

Almonds are c...

Almonds are created equal.

 Scary Collection 46

A witch joke
What is the difference between a witch and the letters M A K E S?
One make spells and the other spell makes!

A witch joke
What goes cackle, cackle, bonk?
A witch laughing her head off!

A witch joke
Why do witches go to the docks?
To see the bats being launched!

A wizard joke
Why do cats prefer wizards to witches?
Because the sorcerers often have milk in them!

A witch joke
What is an octopus?
An eight sided cat!

A wizard joke
Why did the wizard jump off the top of the Empire State Building?
He wanted to make a hit on Broadway!

A witch joke
Why did the witch feed her cat with pennies?
She wanted to put some money in the kitty!

A big-rig operator stopped to...

A big-rig operator stopped to pick up a female hitchhiker wearing REALLY short shorts.
"Say, what's your name, mister?" she inquired, after she climbed up in the truck.
"It's Snow ... Roy Snow," he answered, "and what's yours?"
"Me, I'm June ... June Hansen," she said.
After a short while she asked, "Hey, why do you keep sizing me up with those sidelong glances?"
"Can you imagine what it might be like," he countered, "having eight inches of Snow in June?"

Two physicians board a flight ...

Two physicians board a flight out of Seattle. One sits in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an attorney sits in the seat by the aisle. The lawyer kicks off his shoes, wiggle his toes, and starts to settle in, when the physician in the window seat says, "I think I'll get up and get a coke."

"No problem," says the attorney, "I'm by the aisle. I'll get it for you."

While he's gone, one of the physicians picks up the attorney's shoe and spits in it. When he returns with the coke, the other physician says, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."

Again, the attorney obligingly fetches the drink. While he's gone, the other physician picks up the other shoe and spits in it.

The lawyer comes back and they all sit back and enjoy the flight. As the plane is landing, however, the attorney slips his feet into his shoes and realizes immediately what has happened.

"How long must this go on?" he asks the physicians. "This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?"

Kyle Kinane: Always a Miracle

Im in my 30s, everybodys having kids, or miracles, Oh, its a miracle. Its always a miracle. Im like, You had sex, right? Yeah? Then no, thats exactly whats supposed to happen from that. I spend all my time preventing miracles; that is whats happening. I call it a miracle when the girl doesnt get pregnant. Thats when I start getting spiritual.