Popular jokes (23116 to 23130)

Leather Dresses

didn't know this, but it makes sense!!!
Did You Know This About Leather Dresses?
Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak at the knees, and he begins to think irrationally???
Ever wonder why?
It's because she smells like a new golf bag.

Food Network Show

Didya hear the one about the new show planned for TV's Food Network sponsored by the Arthur Andersen accounting firm?
It's called "Cook the Books"!

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" Holmes asked.
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.
"Watson, you idiot. Somebody has stolen our tent!"

Meals on Wheels

A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter met the cat at the gate and said, "Welcome. Is there anything you didn't have on Earth that I can get for you, here in Heaven?".

The cat thought for a moment and said, "Yes, I always had to sleep on a hard floor, could I get a warm soft bed?". St. Peter arranged for it.

Next, four mice died and went to heaven. St. Peter asked the same question, and the mice thought a moment and said, "Yes, we were always running on Earth, could we get roller skates here in heaven?" St. Peter of course granted their wish.

About a month went by and St. Peter saw the cat and asked how he liked his bed. The cat said, "I like it alot, but I really enjoy those 'Meals on Wheels'".

Q: Why did the computer lose i

Q: Why did the computer lose its trust relationship with the domain?
A: Because it was corrupted in active directory and needed to be removed and re-added again!!!!

That dead

A mortician was laying out the body of a man with an unbelievably long penis.

He called in his receptionist to show her.

She took one look and said, "That's just like my Harry's."

"You mean he's got one that long?" the mortician asked.

"No," she replied. "That dead."

A hillbilly woman went to the

A hillbilly woman went to the doctor and was told to go home and come back in a couple of days with a specimen. When she got home she asks her husband, "What is a specimen?"
He replies, "Damned if I know. Go next door and ask Edith. She's a nurse."
The woman goes next door and comes back ten minutes later with her clothes torn to shreds. She is cut and bruised all over.
"What in tarnation happened?" asked her husband.
"Damn if I know," she replies. "I asked Edith what a specimen was and she told me to go piss in a bottle. So I told her to go s*** in her hat, and then all hell broke loose."

Q: Why couldn't the leopard p

Q: Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
A: Because he was always spotted.

Dirtiest Thing on Television

Q: What is the dirtiest thing ever said on television?
A: Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night.

Why I Was Named Noah

I was just born. My father asks my mother, "Do you have a name in mind?"
My mom replies, "No, uhh..."
My dad interrupts, "Noah! Perfect name!"
That's how I got the name Noah.

Two Hindu Puns

Two Hindu swamis were in conversation.
One said to the other, "How did you like my latest book, 'The Art of Levitation'?"
His companion replied, "It kept me up all night."