Popular jokes (23131 to 23145)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
California jury
The trial of Saddam Hussein is beginning.
They say the evidence against Saddam Hussein is so strong that even a California jury might convict him.
Prayer in Schools
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in publicschools."
Really funny jokes-Book a judge
He stopped the car and asked, "Why, John, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?"
"That it is," John replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball."
"You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat.
"How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded John.
"Well," mused Pat, "In this life there's always a lesson somewhere."
"That there is," replied John.
"It is wise never to book a judge by his cover."
Murder by Numbers
Three men walk into a room.Two get shot.
How many are left?
Three—its not like the two that were shot could get up and walk out!
Yo mama so black, I shot at he...
Yo mama so black, I shot at her and the bullet came back and asked for a flashlightGallagher opened the morning n
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"
A blonde went into a world wid...
A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas.When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: " I don't have any money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother".
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect). "Anything?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.
"Well then, just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room.
The blonde did as she was told and followed the man. "Come in and close the door" the man said. She did. He then said "Now get on your knees". She did. "Now take down my zipper". She did. "Now go ahead take it out....." he said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands... then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered "Well... go ahead".
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, she said...
"HELLO MOM... CAN YOU HEAR ME?"
My girlfriend and I had been d...
My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.
She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside.
With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
"The moral of this story is:"
"Always keep your condoms in your car."
Executive ability is about dec...
Executive ability is about deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.Talks Too Much
Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good, mostly A's and a couple of B's.Tell What Happened
The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole.
Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.
"Exactly where were you at the time of the accident?" inquired the officer.
"Mister," exclaimed the telephone lineman, "I was at the top of the pole!"
The four stages of life....
1. You believe in Santa Claus2. You don't believe in Santa Claus
3. You are Santa Claus
4. You look like Santa Claus
The Prince & The Princess
Contributed by Bob Wingfield
Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS. But there was a problem, everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; Metal, Wood, Stone, anything she touched would melt.
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians.
One wizard told the king, 'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.'
The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan. The next day, he held a competition. Any man who could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.
Three young princes took up the challenge. The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.
The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed.
The third prince approached. He told the princess, 'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'
The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily
ever after.
Question: What was in the prince's pants?
M&M's of course.
They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
What were you thinking??
October 13, 2011
What Do You Like Best About Me
Contributed by The Florida Dude
I asked the Dudette the other day what she liked best about me....
"Is it my firm, trim, athletic, body? Or, rather, is it my astounding intellect?"
She replied....
"Your sense of humor, dear."
