Popular jokes (23146 to 23160)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Sex in Advertising
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: TWO PROSTITUTES -- $50.00.A policeman stopped them and told them theyd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, JESUS SAVES.
One of the girls asked the cop, Why dont you stop them?
Well, thats a little different, the cop smiled. Their sign pertains to religion.
The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.
The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER -- $50.00.
A Little Quarrel
A man and his wife started out in the car after a quarrel. She sat in the back seat and continued to berate him for his faults. In her excitement she pounded on the car door and it flew open. Several blocks later one of their neighbors flagged the man down.
"Your wife fell out of the car back there," he said.
The man looked over at the back seat. "Thank goodness!" he said, "I thought I had lost my hearing!"
Dear Abby
Dear Abby,I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. It's the usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently - although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them." I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the street.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just don't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to park my boat next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my boat, that I noticed that the lower unit seemed to be leaking a little oil. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
Worried Sick in Indiana
“How are you getting on with y...
“How are you getting on with your exams?”“Not bad. The questions are easy enough – it’s the answers I have trouble with!”
A group of chess enthusiasts c...
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Yo mama so fat the only reason
Yo mama so fat the only reason she took algebra in high school was because she heard there was gonna be some pi.Grass Eater
A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate."Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.
"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, please come to my house!"
"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."
"Bring them along!" the rich man said.
They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."
The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"
Pregnant
Jack has a girlfriend he takes to a hotel for a night of pleasure. Lying in bed the following morning he's getting heartburn from worrying about the possible unpleasant consequences that could result from his indiscretion. He asks his companion: "What would you do if you found out you were pregnant?""I'd jump out of this tenth-story window!", she tells him.
Jack, with a great sigh of relief, looks at her admiringly and says, "Such a doll."
The bun rises in the yeast.
The bun rises in the yeast.Dog property laws
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.
A lawyer phoned the governor’s...
A lawyer phoned the governor’s mansion shortly after midnight. “I need to talk to the governor, it’s an emergency!” exclaimed the lawyer. After some cajoling, the governor’s assistant agreed to wake him up. “So, what is it that’s so important that it can’t wait until morning?” grumbled the governor. “Judge Pierson just died, and I want to take his place,” beg the attorney. “Well, it’s OK with me if it’s OK with the mortuary,” replied the governor.An organization is like a tree...
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels.Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
All Bill asked for was a littl
All Bill asked for was a little good-night kiss, but Anne haughtily rebuffed him with, "I don't do that sort of thing on my first date!""Well," Bill replied with sarcasm, "how about on your last date?"
