Popular jokes (23506 to 23520)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Buckle Up
Buckle up - it's harder for the aliens to abduct you!“Whenever I feel with
“Whenever I feel withdrawn, I call my bank to deposit my loose change.”
“As the carburettor c...
“As the carburettor chuckled to the air filter, 'I guess the choke's on me!'”
A man was sitting alone in his
A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie appeared in a puff of smoke and said, "And what will your third wish be?"The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish, when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?"
"You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You have one wish left."
"Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I wish I were irresistible to women."
"Funny," said the genie, "That was your first wish, too."
Your friend the computer
You know it is time to reassess your relationship with your computer when....1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.
2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.
4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.
5. You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.
6. You find yourself typing 'com' after every period when using a word.
7. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a computer.
8. When your email box shows 'no new messages' and you feel really depressed.
9. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.
10. You move into a new house and you decide to 'Netscape' before you landscape.
11. Your family always knows where you are.
12. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say 'LOL, LOL'.
13. After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!
Medical Terminology
Artery -- Study of paintings
Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria
Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section -- District in Rome
Cat scan -- Searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- Sheep dog
Coma -- A punctuation mark
Congenital -- Friendly
D&C -- Where Washington is
Diarrhea -- Journal of daily events
Dilate -- To live long
Enema -- Not a friend
Fester -- Quicker
Fibula -- A small lie
G.I. Series -- Soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- Suitcase
Hangnail -- Coathook
Impotent -- Distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- Torture in a teepee
Labor pain -- Got hurt at work
Medical staff -- Doctor's cane
Morbid -- Higher offer
Nitrate -- Cheaper than day rate
Node -- Was aware of
Outpatient -- Person who had fainted
Pelvis -- Cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- Letter carrier
Protein -- Favoring young people
Rectum -- It almost killed him
Recovery room -- Place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- Amorous
Scar -- Rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- Hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- Study of knighthood
Tablet -- Small table
Terminal illness -- Sickness at airport
Tibia -- Country in North Africa
Tumor -- An extra pair
Urine -- Opposite of you're out
Varicose -- Located nearby
Vein -- Conceited
Breaking Up
Chuck had seen it coming for a time now, and Laura finallydecided to break up with him.
"I'm sorry Chuck, but you just don't have a good sense of
humor," Laura said one day, "You're dry, boring and you never
seem to say anything funny."
Chuck who didn't feel she was correct in the least, simply
smiled and said, "I'm sorry you feel that way, Laura. I'm
sure you'll make some guy very happy some day," she smiled
and blushed a little, "then, he'll zip up his pants, leave
$20 on the dresser, and forget to close the door on his way
out."
No-Excuse Sunday
* Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in."
* There will be a section with lounge chairs for those who feel our pews are too hard.
* We will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof will cave in if I ever came to church."
* Blankets will be provided for those who think, "The church is too hot."
* Fans will be provided for those who think, "The church is too cold."
* Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.
* One section will have trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.
* The sanctuary will be decorated with both poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who have never seen the church without them.
- Joke shared on Beliefnet's Religious Humor page.
The Scientist and the Frog
There once was a scientist who studied frogs. One day, the scientist put the frog on the ground and told it to jump. The frog jumped four feet.So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with four feet, jumps four feet."
So the scientist cut off one of one of the frogs legs. The scientist told the frog to jump. Frog jumped three feet. So the scientist wrote in his note book, "Frog with three feet, jumps three feet."
So the scientist cut of another leg. He told the frog to jump. The frog jumped two feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook "Frog with two feet, jumps two feet."
The scientist cut off one more leg. He told the frog to jump. Frog jumped one foot. So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with one foot, jumps one foot."
So the scientist cut off his last leg.
"He said, "Frog jump. Frog jump. FROG JUMP!"
So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with no feet, goes deaf."
