Popular jokes (23521 to 23535)

In the first year of marriage...

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"God doesn't want shares of your life; he wants controlling interest!"

Cookie Joke

Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor's office?

A: It was feeling crummy.

Principal Affair

There was a rumor going around school that a married teacher was having sex with the principal.

So one day Kelly, Rob, John, and Crystal stayed after school to see if it was true. Once everyone left they searched the school.

(1 hour later)

Disappointed there was no sign the rumors were true.

Then they heard noises coming from the principal's office. They were shocked to see Mrs. Frolly and the principle having sex on the desk.

Even more surprisingly the principal was Miss. Cottlin

Submitted by Lol_Girl_72

Editted by Curtis

I feel the Death Star blows up

I feel the Death Star blows up planets for Alderaan reasons.

Spock was an organ donor. R...

Spock was an organ donor. “Leave lung and prosper.“

Birthday Party

For his wife's birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription:
"You are not getting older. You are just getting better."
Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said, "Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom."
It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve the cake that he discovered that the cake read:
"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP.
YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."

What did the digital clock say...

What did the digital clock say to the analogue clock?
Look, no hands!

The mother of a 17-year-old gi...

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying: "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

Things you'll find Only i...

Things you'll find Only in America...

Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"If you were made in God's image, how did you get to be so ugly?"

“I've never enjoyed p...

“I've never enjoyed paperback books: their blend of wooden characters and watered-down plots makes them pulpy.”

Want to go into space?

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn’t return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, "Three million dollars."

"Why so much more than the others?" asked the interviewer.

The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars."

"I don't know if you...

"I don't know if you've heard the rumors -- George Bush may be dropping Dick Cheney. George Bush says he's going to give Cheney four more years. The bad news -- the doctor is only giving him two" -- Craig Kilborn

Several women appeared in cour

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived.
The women were arguing noisily even in the court.
The judge, banging his gavel to quiet them said, "We are going to do this in an orderly manner. I can't listen to all of you at once. I'll hear the oldest first."
The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.