Popular jokes (23761 to 23775)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
A man walked into a doctor's o...
A man walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He replied, "I got shingles."She said, "Fill out this form and supply your name, address, medical insurance number. When you're done, please take a seat."
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked him what he had. He said, "I got shingles."
So she took down his height, weight, and complete medical history, then said, "Change into this gown and wait in the examining room."
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said, "I got shingles."
So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told him to wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles."
The doctor gave him a full-cavity examination, and then said, "I just checked you out thoroughly, and I can't find shingles anywhere."
The man replied, "They're outside in the truck. Where do you want them?"
Business One-liners 34
Success is the active process of making your dreams real and inspiring others to dream. - James Anders Honeycutt
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
Tact is the art of convincing people that they know more than they do.
Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get.
Take this job and shove it.
Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else.
Technology makes it possible for people to gain control over everything, except over technology.
That which cannot be taken apart will fall apart.
The 5 P's : Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance
“Steve was such a gre...
“Steve was such a great con man that he made millions by selling his book 'The Path to Logical Lying'.”
Hilarious jokes-Lawyer speak
"Insofar as manifestations of functional deficiencies are agreed by any and all concerned parties to be imperceivable, and are so stipulated, it is incumbent upon said heretofore mentioned parties to exercise the deferment of otherwise pertinent maintenance procedures."
Escape from a moving transport
Escape from a moving transport truck? I can't–I'm a freight.Bumper Stickers 14
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.
You have the right to remain silent....Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Avoid drinking too many Peruvi
Avoid drinking too many Peruvian cocktails. It might make your pisco sour.A Sunday school teacher asked ...
A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."It is said that looking into C...
It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.Which bus...
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, I've got news for you. "You're going straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Shoot, I'm on the wrong bus!"
Working With God
A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields are grown over with weeds, the farmhouse is falling apart, and the fences are collapsing all around.
During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!"
A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it's like a completely different place--the farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there are plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows.
"Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together!"
"Yes, reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!"
College Dorm Rules
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory will be off limits to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
One student raised his hand and asked, "How much for a season pass?"
There was this man who muttere
There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married.A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
