Popular jokes (23806 to 23820)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
A doctor and a dentist fell in...
A doctor and a dentist fell in love with a same girl. One day, the dentist had to go abroad for one week to fulfill his work, so he gave the girl seven apples and asked her to eat one apple everyday.Know why? An apple a day keeps the doctor away!
At a fabric store, a pretty gi...
At a fabric store, a pretty girl spots a nice material for a dress and asks the male clerk: How much does it costs? “Only one kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk. “That’s fine,” said the girl. I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held it out. The girl took the bag and pointed to the old man standing beside her, and smiled, “Grandpa will pay the bill.”Obviously Nuts
A guy goes to the psychiatrist only wearing shorts made of Glad wrap.
The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
“The girl quit her jo
“The girl quit her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up with the hole business.”
Clocks in heaven....
A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon passing the entrance test, St. Peter says "I'm not very busy today, why don't you let me show you around?" The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer.
St. Peter shows him all the sights, the golf course, the reading room and library, the observation room, the cafeteria and finally, they come to a HUGE room full of clocks. The guy asks, "What's up with these clocks?"
St. Peter explains, "Everyone on earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left on earth. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the Gates to be judged." The guy thinks this makes sense but notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. He asks why is that?
St. Peter explains, "Every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds his clock."
This also makes sense, so the guy takes one last look around the room before leaving and notices one clock in the center of the ceiling. On this clock, both hands are spinning at an unbelievable rate. So he asks, "What's the story with that clock?"
"Oh, that," St. Peter replies, "That's President Clinton's clock. We decided to use it as a fan."
Clean jokes-Watching the the gnu
To explain the error, the local newspaper ran the following headline a year later:
MARY CRIST MISSES AN HAPPY GNU'S EAR!
Wife: Did you see your dentist...
Wife: Did you see your dentist this morning? Husband: I did. Wife: Then why did I spot you with a pretty woman in the park? Husband: Yes, that's my dentist!Jared Logan: Tried to Compromise
I recently broke up with my girlfriend. We just didnt have anything in common. But when that happens, you have to try to compromise. I tried to compromise with her. I remember one time I was like, Look, if you go with me to my Lord of the Rings fan fiction meet up group, Ill go with you to this ultrasound thing.Biblical Babysitter
Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath into a very deep sleep.
A prosthetic member for castra
A prosthetic member for castrated males: a eunuchorn.Titanic was about to sink. Peo...
Titanic was about to sink. People on the ship were shouting, crying, running and praying to God - just then a passenger had the following conversation with the captain.Passenger: How far is land, from here?
Captain: Two miles...
Passenger: Only two miles, then why these fools are making noise. I have the experience of swimming even more.
Captain: .....????
Passenger: Just tell me in which direction, land is two miles from here?
Captain: Downward...
Things to do in an elevator...
1) When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
5) Hold the doors open and say your saiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, 'Hi Greg. How's your day been?'
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, 'That's mine!'
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment.
9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12) Ask, 'Did you feel that?'
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, 'It's okay, don't panic, they open again!'
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Tell people that you can see their aura.
17) Call out, 'Group Hug!' and then enforce it.
18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, 'Shut up, all of you, just shut up!'
19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, 'Got enough air in there?'
20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, 'Your one of THEM!' and back away slowly.
22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, 'I have new underware on'.
26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passnegers, 'This is MY personal space!'
How Do You Unlock A Door?
John and Jill were about to go into his apartment and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."I love you
How to say....."I Love You"in Different Languages
English.........I Love You
Spanish........Te Amo
French.........Je T'aime
German........Ich Liebe Dich
Japanese......Ai Shite Imasu
Italian...........Ti Amo
Chinese........Wo Ai Ni
Swedish.......Jag Alskar Dig
Eskimo.........Nagligivaget
Greek...........S'Agapo
Hawaiian.......Aloha Wau la Oe
Irish.............Thaim In Grabh Leat
Hebrew.........Ani Ohev Otakh
Russian........Ya Lyublyu Tyebya
Albanian.......Une Te Dua
Finnish.........Mina Rakkastan Sinua
Turkish.........Seni Seviyorum
Hungarian....Se Ret Lay
Persian........Du Stet Daram
Maltese........ien Inhobbok
Catalan........Testimo Molt
Redneck ......Nice Tits
