Popular jokes (23791 to 23805)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Three doctors are discussing w
Three doctors are discussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ''I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.'' Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.'' Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They’re gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear-ends are interchangeable.''Q: What does ...
Q: What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?A: They're hiring!
Natasha Leggero: Sex With a Prostitute
Bragging to me you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got some chips from a vending machine.A little girl runs out to the
A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?"Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams…and he thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works.
He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he's finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge. Her father finally asks: "So what did you want to know about sex for?"
"Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."
A Dublin lawyer died in povert...
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty, and many people donated to a fund for his funeral.The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. 'Only a shilling?' said the Justice, 'Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury twenty more of them.'
A hunter kills a deer and brin...
A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean it, prepare it, and serve the deer meat for dinner. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is, so he doesn't tell them.His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for dinner dad?"
"You'll see", he replies.
They start eating dinner and his daughter keeps asking him what they are eating.
"Ok", says her dad, "Here's a hint. It's what your mother sometimes calls me."
His daughter screams ... "Don't eat it, Jimmy! ... It's a fucking asshole ..."
Halloween Treats for the Dead
What did the ghost get for Halloween? Some Booo-TA group of friends who went de...
A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter retuned alone, staggering under an eight-point buck. “Where is Mike?” asked another hunter. “He fainted a couple of miles up the trail,” Mike’s partner answered. “You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?” “A tough call,” said the hunter. “But I figured no one is going to steal Mike.”Converting for $500
Two old Jewish guys are walking down the street. They pass achurch. A sign on the church says "Convert with us, and we
pay you $500."
One of the guys says to his friend, "I could sure use the
money. I'll go for it."
His friend declines, and goes off.
The first guy sees the priest and asks about this offer.
"Yes," the priest says, "Take our conversion classes. At the
end of the classes, you convert, and we pay you $500."
The Jewish guy agrees, goes through the process, and gets
his $500.
Weeks later, he sees his old buddy. "How're you doing?" asks
his friend. "Did you convert?"
"Yes, yes," says the converted Jew.
"And? Did you get your five hundred dollars?"
The converted Jew stares at his old friend. "Money, money,
money," he sneers, "is that all you people think about?"
An American, a Vietnamese, a M
An American, a Vietnamese, a Mexican, a Brazilian, a Canadian, a German, a Turk, and a Russian walk into a fancy restaurant. When they got to the front desk, they were kicked out because they did not have a Thai.Milk the cow...
After much urging by his wife, Uncle Joe applied for work on a farm. The foreman decided to give him a try and told him to milk a cow, equipping him with a stool and a bucket.
An hour later Uncle Joe returned dirty and sweaty, the bucket in one hand and the broken stool in the other.
"Extracting the milk was easy," he explained. "The worst part was getting the cow to sit on the stool!"
Three nuns...
Three nuns die and go to heaven, at the pearly gates they are confronted by Saint Peter who says "Well girls before you can get into heaven you must answer a question." Saint Peter asks the first nun, "Who was the first man on earth?" She says, "Oh that's easy, that was Adam." Birds sing, bells ring, the gates open up and she goes into heaven.
So Saint Peter asks the second nun "Who was the first woman on earth?" She says "Oh that's easy that was Eve." Same thing happens - birds sing, bells ring, and she goes into heaven.
So Saint Peter says to the third nun "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" She sits and thinks for awhile and says "Boy that's a hard one." Birds sing, bells ring, the gates open up and she goes into heaven!
Heaven's Unitarian Population
Why are there are no Unitarians in Heaven?Because they heard there was a choice between going to Heaven or a discussion group about the existence of Heaven.
