Popular jokes (24301 to 24315)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Marina Franklin: I Like the Little Ones
I have a younger boyfriend now -- I like the little ones. Yes, I do like those little ones, yes I do. I am officially a cougar. Hes young and white, so Im not just a cougar, Im a black panther.Eat with the stars
What a rip-off! Once I ate in a Hollywood restaurant that had a big sign outside' "EAT WITH THE STARS."Turns out the restaurant was a converted planetarium.
Three businessmen were having ...
Three businessmen were having dinner at a club. When it came time to pay the check, each grabbed for it."It's a business expense," said one.
"I'll pay," said the second. "I'm on cost plus."
"Let me have it," argued the third. "I'm filing for bankruptcy next week."
All expenses paid...
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were off!
About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop.
"And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.
"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old fart I had to share the room with?"
The Senility Prayer
God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do like, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
This joke was reprinted from "Laugh Yourself Healthy" by Charles and Frances Hunter, with permission of Strang Communications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.
Sign Your Co-Worker Is A Hacker...
Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.Has won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.
When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.
Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work.
Mumbled, 'Oh, puh-leeeez!' 295 times during the movie 'The Net.'
Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.
Their video dating profile lists 'public-key encryption' among turn-ons.
Instead of the 'Welcome' voice on AOL, you overhear, 'Good Morning, Mr./Mrs. President.'
You hear them murmur, 'Let's see you use that VISA card now, Professor 'I-Don't-Give-A's-In-Computer-Science!'
No need
Alex, the shepherd heads to town to buy supplies for his sheep.
While loading up his pickup, he sees Alice, the hooker.
"Hello sweety," he asks, "so what are you charging these days?"
"Hundred bucks," Alice replies.
"If every man raised sheep, we wouldn't need you women," Alex spit out in disgust.
"Of yeah?" she said, "and if vibrators could cut the grass, we wouldn't need you men, either."
The New French Cook
The French will eat almost anything. A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city. He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits. He successfully raised a number of them, and when he went about Paris selling them, a restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits. The young man replied, "I raise them myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have ... a hutch back of Notre Dame.
A party of golfers noticed a f...
A party of golfers noticed a funeral passing by on a road adjacent to the course.Ralph suggests to the others, "Why don't we pause a moment and show some respect for the dead." So they remove their caps and stand in silence as car after car goes by.
Finally, Ralph remarks, "There sure are a lot of cars. That person must have been well loved."
Bill replies, "Yes, she was. We would have been married 25 years tomorrow."
The Parable of the Seagull
A woman went to the beach with her children. Her 4-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore where a dead seagull lay in the sand."Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked.
"He died and went to heaven," she replied.
The child thought for a moment and said, "And God threw him back down?"
Just Part of My Job
A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him.
The dog looked up and said, “Don’t be surprised. This is just part of my job.”
“Incredible!” exclaimed the man. “I can’t believe it!
Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!”
“No, no,” pleaded the dog. “Please don’t! If that man finds out I can talk, he’ll make me answer the phone as well!”
Answering Machine Message 199
OK, one more time... This is our answering machine... This is the message on our answering machine... Any questions?
Shut Up and Trouble were walki...
Shut Up and Trouble were walking down a path. Trouble got lost. So, Shut Up went to the police officer. The police officer asked, "What's your name?"He answered, "Shut Up."
He asked again "What's your name?"
"Shut Up."
The police officer asked, "Are you looking for trouble?!"
"Yeah, I lost him down a path about two miles ago."
Really funny jokes-Perfect fit
"I am not sure about the size, but his neck fits perfectly between by hands!"
