Popular jokes (24451 to 24465)

You Might Be A Redneck If 69

You might be a reneck if...

You think the ATM machine is a giant, public calculator.

Your favorite cologne smells like exhaust.

The fire department leaves after discovering that the fire that destroyed y.

You think its okay to have your 6 year old babysit your 5, 4, and 3 year o.

Your dog's shots are up to date but your children's aren't.

You use the water in your toilet to bob for apples.

Your whole family sleeps in the same bed.

You consider your annual bath one too many.

You wore a baseball cap to the opera.

If you are 20 and you can still go in McDonald's playhouse.

If you think Purina is some kind of Ex-Lax.

Diner: I'd like some coffee wi...

Diner: I'd like some coffee without milk. Waiter: We don't have any milk, sir. How about coffee without cream?

Dolphins are so intelligent th...

Dolphins are so intelligent that within a few weeks of captivity they can train a man to stand on the edge of their pool and throw them fish three times a day.

Stupid Terrorist

A couple of terrorist were making letter bombs. After they had finished, one said: “Do you think I put enough explosive in this envelope?

“I don’t know,” said the other. “Open it and see.”

“But it will explode.”

“Don’t be stupid! It’s not addressed to you!

Ancient Greeks

Oozing with mystery, the Ancient Greeks were Minoan for their seCrete societies.

After 30 years of wondering wh...

After 30 years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, the man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.

"Yes, you were, son," his mother said as tears came to her eyes, "but it didn't work out, and they brought you back."

A woman goes into labor and he

A woman goes into labor and her husband eagerly awaits news in the waiting room. He paces all night long, biting his nails, worrying about his wife and baby, never sitting down, never sleeping...
Finally, after an exhausting night, the doctor comes in in the morning and announces, "Congratulations, you have a beautiful, healthy baby girl!"
To which the new father replies, "Thank heaven! She'll never have to go through a night like I just did!"

Do you know what was happening

Do you know what was happening 167 years ago this fall... back in 1850?
California became a state.
The people had no electricity.
The state had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.
So basically nothing has changed except the women had real tits and the men didn't hold hands

You Really Don't Look Good

Ricky: You really don't look good.
Bob: I have a cold.
Ricky: My goodness, AND you have a cold too!

If I'm Counting Right

If I'm counting right...
It's been ‘one of those days' for three years now.

A Cajun named Jean Paul moved ...

A Cajun named Jean Paul moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer named Ben for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the
donkey the next day.

The next day, Ben drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news. The donkey died."

"Well, then, just give me the money back," said Jean Paul.

"Can't do that. I went and spent it already," replied Ben.

"OK, then. Just unload the donkey," said Jean Paul.

"What ya going to do with him?" asked Ben.

"I'm going to raffle him off," said Jean Paul.

"You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" uttered Ben.

"Sure can. Watch me. I just won't tell that he's dead," said Jean Paul.

A month later Ben met up with the Cajun and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

"I raffled him off, I did. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898," said Jean Paul.

"Didn't anyone complain?" inquired Ben.

"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back,” said Jean Paul.

The Zoo

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.
"Great," Little Johnny replied.
"Did you and daddy have a good time?" asked his mother.
"Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"

Question Answer 01

Where do religious school children practice sports?
In the prayground!
How did the basketball court get wet?
The players dribbled all over it!
Why did the chicken get sent off?
For persistent fowl play!
Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game?
It was a cup draw!
Where do football directors go when they are fed up?
The bored room!
A manager was being interviewed after he had resigned from a football club?
"Were the crowd not behind you" asked the reporter
"They were right behind me all right", said the manager, "But I managed to shake them off at the station!"
Why was the struggling mange seen shaking the club cat?
To see if there was any more money in the kitty!

New Years Eve Quickies

A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

If 2014 was a person, I’d sue him for pain and suffering and lost wages.

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.

My New Years Resolution is to break my New Years Resolutions....That way I succeed at something!

Tonight the Mayor is dropping the ball in New York while Congress is dropping the ball in Washington.

There have been many times in 2014, when I have annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you, and bugged the hell out of you.

Today I just wanna tell you I plan to continue in 2015!

“The only thing commo

“The only thing common between a stork and an obstetrician is the long bill.”