Popular jokes (24466 to 24480)

Georgia far

A traveling salesman from New York was traveling through Georgia around Christmas time and stopped at a convenience store next to a church.

He told the lady cashier that the nativity scene next door was really beautiful but he couldn't understand why the three wise men had firemens helmets on.

The lady said "that's the trouble with you yankees, you never read your Bibles or you would know."

He said "maam, I have read my Bible through three times and I have never seen anything to explain this."

She said, " I will show you" and opened up her bible. " It says right here that the three wise men came from a "far".

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"Even Darwin believes (now)."

Baby ghost

An obnoxious guy walks into th

An obnoxious guy walks into the neighborhood bar and sits next to a local honey already having her first beverage. As he tries to strike up a conversation she keeps ignoring him. Finally he says, "You know me, why don't you talk to me?"
She replies, "Yes, I know you, you're Morgan - big M, small organ."

Tree Menace

Q: What is green and fuzzy, has four legs and will kill you if it drops from a tree?

A: A pool table.

Bubba and Johnny Ray, two good...

Bubba and Johnny Ray, two good ole boys from North Carolina, were sitting' on the front porch drinking beer when a large truck hauling rolls and rolls of sod went by.
"I'm gonna do that when I win the lottery," said Bubba.
"Do what?" asked Johnny Ray.
"Send my grass out to be mowed," answered Bubba.

Ready… Aim...

A bishop, a priest, and a deacon, were about to be executed for preaching the Gospel in a foreign land.
They bring out the bishop first and the guard shots, “Ready… aim…” and suddenly the bishop yells, “EARTHQUAKE!” When everyone looks around, the bishop runs off.
Next they bring out the priest. They guard shouts, “Ready… aim…” and suddenly the priest yells, “TORNADO!” When everyone ducks, the priest runs off.
This joke was reprinted from "The Book of Catholic Jokes" by Deacon Tom Sheridan, with permission of ACTA Publications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.
By then, of course, the deacon had it figured out. They bring him out and when the guard shouts, “Ready… aim…,” suddenly the deacon yells, “FIRE!”

Did you hear about the look-al...

Did you hear about the look-alike competition held in china? Everyone won.

Lightbulb Joke Collection 49

Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six. One to screw in the lightbulb and five to fend off all those Californians trying to share the experience.
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine. One to change the bulb, and eight to protest about the nuclear power plant that generates the electricity that powers it.
Q: How many school teachers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.
Q: How many Goths does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They prefer everything all black anyway.
Q: How many Evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 33. One to do it, 2 to bask in its glory, and 30 to take collections in the bulb's name.
Q: How many sorority sisters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb, and four to make T-shirts. And optionally, we may add one fraternity to start the "wet T-shirt" contest!
Q: How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to replace it and one to tell him it was burned out (in states that still have car-inspection laws.)
Q: How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to stand on the ladder, and two to carry enough light bulbs until one is found that isn't defective.

After surgery

As the lawyer slowly came out of the anesthesia after surgery, he said, "Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?"

"There's a big fire across the street," the doctor replied. "We didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."

Chapter 11

"The job notice posted at the University placement office advertised for someone to set up a bookkeeping system for a local dinner theater that was filing for bankruptcy.

When an eager first-year accounting student inquired, the interviewer told him that the company needed an advanced student capable of handling Chapter 11 proceedings.

"I'm sure I could do it," the student proclaimed confidently. "My class is already up to chapter fourteen."

Super Absorbed

A pediatrician is trying to put a 6-year-old patient, Timmy, at ease. He asks, "If you found a few dollars on the street, what would you buy?" Without hesitation, Timmy says, "A box of Tampax." Surprised, the doctor asks why. "Well," Timmy says, "it says on TV that with Tampax, you can go swimming, horseback riding, and skating anytime you want to!"

Go Home And Wait

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
February 10, 1993
FBI and Florida authorities arrested Paul E. Flasher, 45, who had been sentenced to five years in prison in 1980 for grand theft but who had never been jailed.
Flasher said he had gone home from the sentencing hearing in Tampa and "sat tight," just as his lawyer had instructed, waiting for notification to report to prison. Authorities forgot him for 12 years.

Three young boys were boasting...

Three young boys were boasting about their grandpas. The first boy said: "My grandpa is a great swimmer. He can swim for hours before getting out of the water!" The second boy said, "That's nothing. My grandpa always goes swimming at 6:00 in the morning every day, and only comes back at 9:00 pm because my mom says he has to!" The third boy says, "Your grandpas are both bad at swimming! My grandpa started swimming in this pond 20 years ago, and he hasn't come out since!!!"

Mrs. Jones was reading a lette

Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband.
"Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?"
"Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell 'convenience', so I made it 'risk'."