Popular jokes (24946 to 24960)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Tommy Johnagin: Pallbearing Honor
Its supposed to be an honor to be a pallbearer. Ive never been carrying a casket, thinking, This is an honor. Im thinking, This is heavy. Are you guys even lifting back there? Its like dead weight on my end.Really funny jokes-Guess who?
The controller switched the field lights off and replied, "Guess where!"
New Car
A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession...even to the Supermarket which was a few blocks from the house.After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!"
Writing letters to son
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping.
Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note:
"Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad."
Don't Wake your Neighbors!
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?" "Baptist." "Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?" "Jewish." "Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?" St. Peter tells him, "Well the Catholics are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here."Executive ability is about dec...
Executive ability is about deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.Scary Collection 14
A cannibal joke
What did the cannibal say to the explorer?
''Nice to meat you''!
A cannibal joke
Why was the cannibal fined$50 by the judge?
He was caught poaching!
A ghost joke
What do ghosts dance to?
Soul music!
A demon joke
What do demons have for breakfast?
Devilled eggs!
A Halloween joke
Why did the ghost go trick or treating on the top floor?
He was in high spirits!
A skeleton joke
What is a skeletons favourite drink?
Milk - it's so good for the bones!
A werewolf joke
Why shouldn't you grab a werewolf by it's tail?
It might be the werewolf's tail but it could be the end of you!
This guy goes into a doctor's ...
This guy goes into a doctor's office. The doctor says, "Oh, Mr. Jones! We have the results of your test. Do you want the bad news first or the very bad news?" The guy shrugs and says, "Well I guess I'll have the bad news first." "Well the bad news is, you have 24 hours to live," the doctor replies. The man is distraught, "24 hours to live? That's horrible! What could be worse than that? What's the VERY bad news?" The doctor folds his hands and sighs, "The very bad news is...I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."Bastard in Family
For 3 years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!
"Helen, why didn't you write when you learnt you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"
"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
Dear Pun Gents
Dear Pun Gents, I need a name for a bowling team. The event is St. Patrick's Day and our team works for a power/electric utility. ~Tricia, Sanford, FL #joke #short
Lost Interest In Sex
Smartness
Contributed by Janey Anderson
There once was a "smart guy," a "not that smart guy," and an all round "not smart at all guy." They were going to cross the Sahara Desert.
The "smart guy" says, "meet here in an hour with something useful to cross the desert with!"
Later on an hour passes.
The "smart guy" says I brought some ice packs to keep our heads cool, the "not so smart guy" says I brought a pail of water to keep us hydrated.
The "not smart at all guy" says, "I brought a car door so I can roll the window down when it gets hot!"
Noblemen don&...
Noblemen don't take any crap.Hard Working Penny
Penny was a hard working, conscientious girl, who lived on her own. Her dream in life was to go on an ocean cruise around the world. So she scrimped, and she saved, and she saved, and she scrimped until finally, one day, she had enough money to go on her ocean cruise. She booked passage on a cruise liner - first class all the way... The cruise started off in a grandiose scale, dancing and parties every night. But Penny was a cautious girl, so she never drank, but just danced the night away.
One night, after they had been at sea for a week, Penny was walking back to her cabin, when the heel on her left shoe broke throwing her off balance. If that wasn't enough, the ship chose that moment to tilt to the left. As a result, Penny was thrown overboard. A hue and a cry were immediately raised, and after about five minutes they found Penny. Hauling her aboard, the ship's crew realized that it was too late, poor Penny was dead.
Normally, they would have done a burial at sea, but as I said before, Penny was a very conscientious girl, and had written a will. In it, she specified that she wished for her body to be cremated, and kept in a jar on her parent's fireplace mantel. Her wishes were fulfilled, which just goes to show you that a Penny saved is a Penny urned.
