Popular jokes (25036 to 25050)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
A man went to his lawyer and s
A man went to his lawyer and said, "I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it."The lawyer says, "Don't worry. Leave it all to me."
The man looks somewhat upset... "Well I knew you were going to take the biggest slice - but I'd like to leave a little to my children too!"
Lost weight...
Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit. Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks.
"Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was 185."
Her niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?"
#joke
A Little Extra In The Soup....
Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and left them there.A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can't believe it!
He said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"
The other missionary said, "I just peed in the soup!"
#joke #food #soup
A man who had been caught embe...
A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn't want to go to jail.But his lawyer told him, "Don't worry. You'll never have to go to jail with all that money." And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn't have a dime.
#joke #lawyer
Elevator jobs
Bubba, an electrical technician, was out of work.His friend suggested he take up some elevator jobs in new constructions close by.
Bubba said, "Nope, I don't do elevator jobs."
"Why??" the friend asked.
Bubba replied, "I don't know the route."
#joke #short
Strange Headline News
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
A bird dropped a snake over a California power station, short-circuiting a line and causing a two-hour blackout.
A Creighton University (Nebraska) Law School senior, told she wouldn't graduate because of a failing grade on a final exam, sued her professor, claiming he flunked her because she is "politically incorrect."
Biloxi, Mississippi, jurors acquitted a woman of drug charges, then passed the hat to collect $55 to pay her bus fare home to Texas.
A man allegedly held up 18 New York businesses after casing the places while filling out job or rental applications. The spree ended after he accidentally signed his real name on one of the forms, police said.
Harlan County, Nebraska, Assessor Floyd Schippert was unopposed in the Democratic primary, and just to be sure, he entered -- and won -- the Republican primary also.
Willie Turner wasn't running for the Dendron, Virginia, Town Council. He didn't even vote. But he won with five write-in votes.
A Hollywood, California man is accused of renting cars, selling them, then stealing them back for return to the rental companies.
Corpus Christi, Texas, police said it was a hit-and-gallop accident: A man crashed his truck into the back of a car, then fled on the horse he was pulling in the trailer.
#joke #policeman #animal #horse #bird #snake
A woman welcomed the distingui...
A woman welcomed the distinguished man who had moved next-door and asked, "Should I call you by your first name or by your title and last name?"He assured her: "It doesn't matter. Some even call me an old fool."
The woman's response was: "They must know you very well."
#joke #short
Mitch Hedberg: Escalator
I like a escalator, man, cause an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs.#joke #short
In a terrible accident at a ra
In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track. Though no one was killed, the driver took the train company to court.At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.
"Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. "You did superbly under cross-examination."
"Thanks," he said, "but he sure had me worried."
"How's that?" the lawyer asked.
"I was afraid he was going to ask if the damned lantern was lit!"
#joke #lawyer
the Web brings people together...
the Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'"-- Rich Jeni
Funny jokes-Free to move
In a Southwest Airlines, the Pilot says: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land...it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
#joke
Yo mamma is so stupid, she sto...
Yo mamma is so stupid, she stopped her car at a stop sign and she's still waiting for it to turn green.#joke #short
