Popular jokes (25126 to 25140)

“What does a king eat...

“What does a king eat while on his throne? Soup of the dais.”

Executive ability is about dec...

Executive ability is about deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

This guy goes into a doctor's ...

This guy goes into a doctor's office. The doctor says, "Oh, Mr. Jones! We have the results of your test. Do you want the bad news first or the very bad news?" The guy shrugs and says, "Well I guess I'll have the bad news first." "Well the bad news is, you have 24 hours to live," the doctor replies. The man is distraught, "24 hours to live? That's horrible! What could be worse than that? What's the VERY bad news?" The doctor folds his hands and sighs, "The very bad news is...I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."

Ability to look on two sides o

Ability to look on two sides of a question is usually a virtue, but it may degenerate into a vice. Thus, a visitor found his bachelor friend glumly studying an evening waistcoat. When inquiry was made, this explanation was forthcoming:
"It's quite too soiled to wear, but really, it's not dirty enough to go to the laundry. I can't make up my mind just what I should do about it."

Yo mamma's so stupid, she tho

Yo mamma's so stupid, she thought Free Willy was a porno film.

Three Ants

Three ants find an elephant asleep.
First ant says, "Let's get him!"
Second one says, "Let's beat him up!"
Finally the third ant says, "Leave him alone... it's not fair. Poor guy is all alone and we are three!"

Mother: "When I was your age,

Mother: "When I was your age, my mother used to hide money around the house for me that I would find only if I performed my chores particularly well. One time when I was cleaning out the cupboards for her, I found $20 under the old shelf paper."
Daughter: "Wow! What a cool idea! Why didn't you ever do that with me?"
Mother: "But my dear ... I have been."

Do mice have their own rong...

Do mice have their own eek! onomy?

Two Elderly Gentlemen

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail..... When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men.
So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business. After the two men were finished, they started walking home and began to talking. The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned... how was it for you?"

I hallucinated that I threw Mr. Poitier off a bridge. I should never have dropped a Sid.

#joke #short

Hunger Pains

They say you shouldn't go grocery shopping when you're hungry...
But I ran out of food a few days ago, and it's just getting worse!

Noblemen don&...

Noblemen don't take any crap.

Bigger cycle

Who Is the Real Virgin?

A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming knowledgeable about the Bible.

But one day, she surprised her grandmother by asking, "Which virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"

Stuff Happens

Tao: Stuff happens.Catholicism: If stuff happens, you deserved it.Protestantism: Let stuff happen to somebody else.Judasim: Why does stuff always happen to us?Islam: Stuff happens according to the will of Allah.Buddhism: The stuff is an illusion.Zen: What is the sound of stuff happening?Hinduism: This stuff happened before.Mormonism: This stuff should multiply.Baha'i Faith: Stuff happens in a progressive manner.Agnosticism: I'm not sure about this stuff.Atheism: That stuff about the stuff is all just made up stuff.Jonestown: Forget about the stuff and just drink the Kool-Aid.- Joke shared by Beliefnet member mytmouse57