Popular jokes (25141 to 25155)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Hear the pun about the man wit...
Hear the pun about the man with mussels for brains? It met with cortical a clam.A shocking anniversary
A couple have been married forty years and are revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. As they are driving through the secluded countryside, they pass a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road.
The woman says, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did here forty years ago!"
The guy stops the car. His wife backs against the fence, and they make love like never before!
Back in the car, the guys says, "Darlin', you sure never moved like that forty year ago -- or any time since that I can remember."
The woman says, "Forty years ago that damn fence wasn't electrified!"
Mozart Beyond the Grave
When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the town magistrate to come and listen to it. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, Ah, yes, thats Mozarts Ninth Symphony, being played backwards. He listened a while longer, and said, Theres the Eighth Symphony, and its backwards, too. Most puzzling. So the magistrate kept listening; Theres the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth... Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, My fellow citizens, theres nothing to worry about. Its just Mozart decomposing.A little kids sends a letter t
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas."Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."Two cab drivers met...
Two cab drivers met."Hey," asked one, "what's the idea of painting one side of your cab red and the other side blue?"
"Well," the other responded, "when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other."
Worries About A Risk
There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air.
The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength.
Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed.
With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks."
It's Not For Him, Stupid
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head."Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."
"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
The Tyson One-liners
Q: What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson after the fight?
A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!!
Tyson's psychologist told Mike to take a year off, he obviously misunderstood....good thing he didn't say two!
Tyson's favorite football team-the Tampa Bay Buc-an-EARS.
For the third fight between Mike and Evander, Tyson wants it to be held in Earie, PA.
New Tyson burger: There is a piece of the champ in every bite!!!
They are making a new boxing term for Tyson....instead of KO, it will be a Van Gogh. "Evander was Van Gogh'd in the third!!!"
Can't beat um...Eat um!!!!
If Tyson fights Golatta,is it more points for a low blow or an ear bite?
In this corner Evander "the Real Meal" Holyfield!!!!!!!
Before the fight, Mike's trainer told him to get a piece of Holyfied. Oops, bad advice.
Iron BITE Tyson, the heavyweight CHOMP of the world!
Really funny jokes-Out of place
He asked the old man, How in the world did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?
Old Man - That's the name of the owner.
Young Man - Who's the owner?
Old Man - I am.
Young Man - How did you get a name like Hans Olaffsen?
Old Man - Many years ago when I came to this country from Hong Kong, I was standing in line at Immigration. A man in front of me was a big blond Norwegian. The lady from Immigration asked him, What is your name? He say "Hans Olaffsen". Lady ask me, What is your name? I say Sam Ting.
The Good News
"I'm afraid I have some bad news for you," the secretary said to her boss.
"Why do you always have to give me bad news?" her boss asked. "Can't you tell me some good news for once?"
"OK," the secretary replied, "you're not sterile!"
Really funny jokes-Taking pictures
"Well, I've seen you naked. You don't need that towel," says the husband.
"I just feel more comfortable this way," the wife responds.
"But I want to take a picture of you in a natural state," continues the husband.
The wife gets suspicious and asks what the husband would do with the photo. "I'll put in in my wallet and keep it close to my heart all the time," he responds, and gets his picture then heading for shower himself. He returns clean but also wrapped in a towel.
"Why are you wearing that towel now - I want a photo of you in return," demands the wife. The Husband does as he's told, the photo's taken and they check the result in their digital camera.
"What will you do with this photo of me, then?" asks the husband.
The wife takes a good look at her husband, then the photo, then husband again. "I'll have it enlarged," she finally responds.
The pilot was sitting in his s
The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?"The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"
The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"
The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table.
The pilot asked, "What's that for?"
"To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."
