Popular jokes (25771 to 25785)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Cheerios
A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. The 7-year-old is explaining that it is high time that the two of them begin swearing.
When his little brother responds enthusiastically, the 7-year old says, "When we go downstairs for breakfast this morning, I'll say 'hell' and you say 'ass'." The 4-year-old happily agrees.
As the two boys are seating themselves at the breakfast table, their mother walks in and asks her older son what he would like to eat for breakfast. The 7-year-old replies, "Aw hell, Mom, I'll just have some Cheerios.
The surprised mother reacts quickly. "WHACK!"
The boy runs upstairs, bawling and rubbing his behind. With a sterner note in her voice, the mother then asks the younger son, "And what would YOU like for breakfast?"
"I don't know," the 4-year-old blubbers, "but you can bet your ASS it's not gonna be Cheerios!"
Two tourists were driving thro
Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"
The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing."
12 things a man can do a...
12 things a man can do at K-Mart ... while his wife is taking her sweet time:
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Home-wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: "Code 3 in House wares!" and see what happens.
4. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay-by.
5. Move a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department -- and tell other shoppers you're sleeping over; invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why can't you people just leave me ALONE!
8. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
9. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
10. In the Motor Department, practice your "Madonna look" using different sized funnels.
11. Hide in a clothing rack . . . and when people browse through, say: "PICK ME! PICK ME!
12. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NOOOOOOOOOOO! It's those voices again!"
Cannibals and Politicians
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...Broiled Missionary: $25.00
Fried Explorer: $35.00
Baked Politician: $100.00.
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked , "Why such a price difference for the politician?"
The cook replied "Have you ever tried to clean one of them?"
“When the goose hit D
“When the goose hit Dracula like a feather duster it was soon down for the Count.”
No Cavities
One fine afternoon, a smiling boy arrived home from a dental visit. He called out,"Hey mom, I have no cavities today."
His mom stared at him wide-eyed and quite surprised. But she smiled and then frowned, knowing the expected. "Let me guess," she said. "You have not a tooth left."
Silly Collection 04
What do golfers use in China?China tees!
What kind of hair do oceans have?
Wavy!
Why did the child study in the aeroplane?
He wanted a higher education!
In the park this morning I was surrounded by Lions!
Lions, in the Park?
Well, dandelions!
What do you mean by telling everyone that I'm an idiot?
I'm sorry, I didn't know it was supposed to be a secret!
Why are goldfish red?
The water turns them rusty!
What is the best hand to write with?
Neither - it's best to write with a pen!
Eye alone kno
Eye alone know what it’s like to be a cyclops.Race cancelled
“The local 5K race was abruptly cancelled. The event had run its course.”
You Might Be A Redneck If 53
You might be a redneck if...
You think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.
You're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.
You don't think Jeff's jokes are funny.
Your house has a kickstand.
You drive around a parking lot for fun.
Your girlfriend has ever called YOUR parents "Ma and Pa".
You have to duct tape your gloves on.
You've ever pruned your trees with a shotgun.
Someone says they spotted Bigfoot and you go buy tickets to the tractor pull.
You think that Marlboro is a cologne.
You Don't Believe All That Stuff, Do You?
The lady replied, "Of course I do. It's the Bible." He said, "Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?"She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that. It's in the Bible." He asked, "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?" The lady said, "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him." "What if he isn't in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically. "Then you can ask him." replied the lady.French hunters love grapefruit...
French hunters love grapefruit. It's what lets them pump le moose.Only in America
Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance....Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry and A diet coke...
Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens To the counters...
Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage...
Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then Have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place...
Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight...
Only in America... do we use the word politics to describe the process so well. Poli in Latin meaning many and tics meaning blood sucking creatures...
