Popular jokes (25891 to 25905)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Are you missing your girlfrien
Are you missing your girlfriend? A lass and a lack!Running away
A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, “I'm running away from home!”
The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. “What if you get hungry?” he asked.
“Then I'll come home and eat!,” bravely declared the child.
“And what if you run out of money?”
“I will come home and get some!” readily replied the child.
The man then made a final attempt, “What if your clothes get dirty?”
“Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them,” was the reply.
The man shook his head and exclaimed, “This kid is not running away from home; he's going off to university.”
Ads During the Lewinsky Interview
The Five Commercials Aired During The Lewinsky / WaltersInterview"
(These actually aired during the interview)
5. Victoria's Secret lingerie.
4. Burger King - featuring the song "It's My Party, and
I'll Cry if I Want To."
3. Oral-B Deluxe.
2. A promo for the TV movie "Cleopatra," with the following
voice-over: "When she was only 20, she seduced the most
powerful leader in the world."
1. Maytag's Neptune washing machine - "It actually has the
power to remove stains!"
Hear about the woman who wore ...
Hear about the woman who wore a toupee in place of a bra? She was involved in a major rug bust.Groom's Day
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding.“But, Officer,” the man protested, “I can explain.”“Be quiet,” ordered the officer. “You can sit in jail until the chief gets back.”“But, sir, I just wanted to say—““I told you to stay quiet! You’re going to jail!”A couple of hours later the officer checked in on the man and said, “You��re lucky that the chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a great mood when he gets back.”“I doubt that,” answered the prisoner. “I’m the groom.”From "Moses' Favorite Travel Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.An Englishman, a Sco
One day, an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness.Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints and got stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling: "AH BEGORRAH! SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!"
Virgin
What do you call a virgin in Arkansas?A 12 year old that can run faster than her daddy.
Submitted by curtis
Edited by calamjo
Speeding
Cop: Do you realize you were going above the speed limits?
Bubba: But officer, I am only learning to drive.
Cop: What? Without an instructor?
Bubba: Its a correspondence course, Officer.
Pulled Muscle
One day at the office, Michael ran into Dick by the water cooler. Normally Dick who is young, single is energetic all day, but that day he looked beat."Hey Dick! How's it going?"
asked Michael.
"I'm not feeling too good today. In fact, I'm utterly exhausted," answered Dick.
"I pulled a muscle, and it's killing me."
"What's a pulled muscle got to do with you feel so tired?"
Michael asked.
"A pulled muscle doesn't make you tired!"
Dick yawned and said, "It sure does if you pull it five hundred times in one night!"
A paper bag goes to the doctor...
A paper bag goes to the doctor and complains of feeling really ill. The doctor does a lot of tests and tells the paper bag to come back next week for the results.The following week the paper bag is extremely distressed to be told by his doctor that he is HIV positive.
"But how can this be" he cries, "I'm only a paper bag".
"Well have you had unprotected sex in the last year" asks the doctor.
"No, how can I!?" he shouts "I'm only a paper bag"
"How about sharing needles, giving blood, anything like that"
"I've said to you before" the paper bag sobs "how can I, I'm only a paper bag"
"Ahhhh" says the doctor shaking his head sadly. "As I suspected... Your mother must have been a carrier"
A juggler, driving to his next...
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are those machetes doing in your car?" asks the cop."I juggle them in my act."
"Oh, yeah? says the doubtful cop. "Let's see you do it."
The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the knives. Another man driving by slows down to watch.
"Wow," says the passer-by. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"
