Popular jokes (25921 to 25935)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
My Man Friday
A ...
My Man Friday
A passenger plane travelling to California is suddenly hit with a severe engine problem and plummets into the Pacific Ocean.
The impact is such that the plane is ripped apart leaving only one man alive.
After hours of swimming he spots an island and drags himself up onto the sandy shores. Although he is half drowned and aware that he is thousands of miles from home, he cannot but admire the beauty of the island he has found himself on.
Looking down the beach he sees a figure lying on the beach, another survivor from the crash. He runs over and sees that she is not breathing, so quickly he gives her the kiss of life.
After several attempts she coughs into life. As she wipes the hair from her face he now can see who it is...its Kylie Minogue!
Forever grateful to him for saving her life, they strike up an immediate bond, and over the following weeks, while stranded on the island, they fall madly in love.
One day Kylie is walking down the beach and notices her newfound love sitting on the rocks by the beach, staring out to sea, with a look of sorrow on his face. She wanders over to him, and asks what is wrong.
“Kylie," he says, "The last few weeks have been the greatest of my life.
We've found this island paradise. We have all the food and water we could require, and I have you, but still I can't help feeling there's something missing." Kylie replies: "What my darling?
What is it that you need? I'll do anything".
"Well there is one thing. Would you mind putting on my shirt?"
"OK" "And My trousers?" "OK"
At this point he gets up and grabs some charcoal from the ground, and draws a neat moustache on her lips. "OK... Can you start to walk around the island, and I'll set off the other way and meet you half way."
"OK dear, whatever will make you happy?" So off they set.
After an hour walking he eventually sees her heading towards him along the beach, at which point he breaks into a sprint, runs up to her, grabs her by the shoulders and shouts:
"Hey mate, you won't believe who I'm shagging'
Childhood Sweethearts
An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood.To celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary they walk down to their old school. There, they hold hands as they find the desk they shared & where he had carved "I love you, Sally".
On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armoured car practically at their feet. She quickly picks it up, & they don't know what to do with it so they take it home. There, she counts the money, & its fifty-thousand dollars.
The husband says: "We've got to give it back".
She says, "Finders keepers" & puts the money back in the bag & hides it up in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men are going from door-to-door in the neighbourhood looking for the money show up at their home.
One knocks on the door & says: "Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?"
She says: "No"..
The husband says: "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."
She says: "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."
But the agents sit the man down & begin to question him.
One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning."
The old man says: "Well, when Sally & I were walking home from school yesterday ..."
At this, the FBI guy looks at his partner & says: "We're outta here ..."
The best time to purchase stoc
The best time to purchase stocks is when the market hits bought em.What hair color do they put on...
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?Teacher: What does your father...
Teacher: What does your father do for a living?Student: He is a magician.
Teacher: what is his favorite event.
Student: He cuts people in two.
Teacher: How many brothers and sisters do you have?
Student: One half-brother and one half-sister....
Launderette reunion...
Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health, one asked how the other's husband was doing.
"Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"
"Oh dear! I'm so very sorry," replied her friend. "What did you do?"
"Opened a can of peas instead."
Girl: You would be a good dan...
Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.
Bridegroom: "Dear, we've been
Bridegroom: "Dear, we've been back from the Caribbean for a month now. We've been in our apartment now for nearly a month. Isn't it time we were alone?"Bride: "But darling, we are alone, aren't we?"
Bridegroom: "What I mean is, when can we get your mother out of here?"
Bride: "MY mother? I thought she was YOUR mother!!!"
What does that one do?
A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, "The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars."
"Why does that parrot cost so much?" the man wondered.
The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."
The man asked about the next parrot on the perch.
"That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system." Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot.
"That one costs 2,000 dollars."
"And what does that one do?" the man asked.
The owner replied, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"
A fellow charged with robbing
A fellow charged with robbing a sporting-goods store asked a lawyer to defend him."I will take your case," the lawyer said, "if you will assure me of two things: that you are innocent, and that you will pay me $1600."
The client thought for a moment, then said, "Will you do it for $400 and a nice set of golf clubs?"
