Popular jokes (32296 to 32310)

One inch penis

What do you call a guy with a one inch penis?

Justin.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Yisman

French humour is so Sarkozstic...

French humour is so Sarkozstic

A famous scientist developed a...

A famous scientist developed a formula to bring statues to life.
He went to a local park to try it out on a statue of Gen. Ulysses Grant.
After application, Gen Grant began to move and soon was completely alive.
The scientist asked, "What's the first thing you'll do, General?"
The general answered while drawing his pistol "I'm going to kill about a million damn pigeons!"

I never gain weight in winter....

I never gain weight in winter. Because I wear coat regularly.

Huge Pause

A bear walks into a bar and says, "I want a bourbon and............... coke"
The bartender asks "what's with the huge pause?"
The bear says, "I've had them all my life."

A young woman decided to redec

A young woman decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her friend next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.
"Buffy," she said, "how many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"
"Ten," said Buffy.
So the girl bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but she had 2 rolls leftover.
"Buffy," she said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2 leftover!"
"Yeah!" said Buffy. "So did I."

Two bachelors...

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking,
their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

'I got a cookbook once,' said one, 'but I could never do anything with it.'

'Too much fancy work in it, eh?' asked the other.

'You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way --
'Take a clean dish...''

Where Is This Bus Going?

A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"

A lawyer opened the door of hi...

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!" he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!"
"Oh my god", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex!"

Pagan Wives

Q. Why do Pagan girls make the best wives?
A. She'll always worship the ground you walk on.

Bret Ernst: Old School Baseball

Im a little upset with the athletes today. People holding out, baseball players using steroids -- what the hell is that? Using steroids, man, that aint nothing like the old school. Remember the old school guys? These guys were men. Babe Ruth hit over 700 home runs after, like, banging hookers all night.

Jack Bauer really enjoys a goo...

Jack Bauer really enjoys a good steak. When he is asked how he wants it prepared, Jack simply walks into the kitchen and takes a bite out of the cow. He then returns to his seat and dabs his face with the napkin. This is usually followed by a Snapple.

The mother of a 17-year-old gi...

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying: "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

The trumpet player had been bl...

The trumpet player had been blasting away all day, when there was a knock on his door. “I live next door to you,” he explained. “Do you know I work nights?” “No,” said the trumpet player, “but if you hum a few bars, I’ll get the melody.”

A bus station is where a bus s...

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.
Now you know why they call it a workstation!