Popular jokes (32446 to 32460)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
The Perfect Man is gentle
...
The Perfect Man is gentleNever cruel or mean.
He has a beautiful smile,
And keeps his face so clean.
The Perfect Man likes children,
And will raise them by your side.
He will be a good father
As well as a good husband to his bride.
The Perfect Man loves cooking,
cleaning and vaccuuming, too.
He'll do anything in his power
To convey his feelings of love to you.
The Perfect Man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He's a best friend to your mother,
And kisses away your pain.
He never has made you cry,
Or battered you in any way.
To hell with this endless poem,
The Perfect Man is gay.
Dear John...
The soldier serving overseas, far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying:
"Regret cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others.
The same boss
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.Break in....
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.
"It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."
The boss screamed: "We had $100 when we broke in!"
Q: What did one math book say ...
Q: What did one math book say to the other?A: Man I got a lot of problems!
Knock Knock Collection 017
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Arnie!
Arnie who!
Arnie having fun?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Arnold!
Arnold who?
Arnold friend you haven't seen for years!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Arthur!
Arthur who!
Arthur any more biscuits in the tin!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Asa!
Asa who!
Asa-int amongst men!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ashley!
Ashley who?
Ashley-t's foot!
Did you hear about the restaur...
Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon?Did you hear about the skeleto...
Did you hear about the skeleton who walked into a cafe?"Plans are being made to ...
"Plans are being made to replace Dick Cheney if and when it ever becomes necessary. They have to plan for this kind of stuff, you know, Cheney had what, a stent, put in his artery to keep it open, had a defibrillator with batteries implanted in his chest. I think they've already started replacing him, piece by piece." -- Jay LenoA man went to a pet shop and a
A man went to a pet shop and asked for a bird that could sing. The proprietor brought out a gorgeous tropical bird, looked the bird in the eye, puckered his lips and started to whistle. The bird took up the very note and finished the tune with him."That's mighty fine," the customer said, "but I'd never pay money for that bird. His right leg's crippled."
"I thought you wanted me to sing!" cried the bird. "I gotta dance, too?"
A few years in the desert...
A judge was punishing three men because they had committed a crime. Their sentence was a few years in the desert. He said that they could each take one thing with them.
The first guy decides to take an umbrella, so that he can have shade whenever he wants.
The second guy decides to take a water bottle so that he won't get thirsty.
Finally, the third guy decides to take a car door.
The judge asked, "Why in the world would you want to take a car door?" The man replies, "Just in case it gets hot, I can roll down the window."
