Popular jokes (32986 to 33000)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Hilarious book titles
1) Fancy Coffins to Make Yourself (A book for woodworkers)
2) Knitting with Dog Hair
3) Wood Carving with a Chain Saw
4) Drying Flowers With A Microwave
5) Nuclear War: What's In It For You?
6) How Green were the Nazis?
7) Old Tractors and the Men Who Love Them
8) How to Avoid Huge Ships
9) Bomb Proof Your House
10)Waterproofing Your Child
When th
When the glacier was asked for an opinion on global warming, it replied “I dunno, I've never really thawed about it.”Is Sex Good For You?
...Is Sex Good For You?
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special runners!
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than valium.
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.
Last smoke
The convict replied, "No thank you, I never smoke. I don't want to get lung cancer."
2nd to 3rd
Why does it take longer to run from second base to third base than it takes to run from first to second? Because you have a short stop between second and third.Only one kiss per yard...
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk.
"That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."
Top Ten Ways Y2K Will Affect Disney World
10. Accidental switch back to 19,000 Leagues Under the Sea.
9. Screwed up computers report EuroDisney turning a profit.
8. Air traffic control glitch causes Dumbo to smack into a DC-10.
7. The "It's a Small World After All" creatures go on a rampage.
6. The Hall of Presidents keeps chanting "Kill Clinton, kill Clinton."
5. When you wish upon a star, nothing happens.
4. Unexpected power surge brings an angry Walt Disney back to life.
3. "Main Street Electrical Parade" becomes "Main Street Two Guys With Plastic Flashlights Parade."
2. Ticket machine accidentally dispenses day passes for less than $600.
1. Two words: catapulting teacups.
Light Bulb
How many online forum members does it take to change a light bulb?Do Eskimos believe in
Do Eskimos believe in recicicling?Bob: "So, you say that you won...
Bob: "So, you say that you won the conversion with your wife yesterday."Joe: "Yes, she came crawling on her hands and knees."
Bob: "Really? What did she say?"
Joe: "Come out from under the bed, you coward
First Impressions
On my way up the sidewalk to a girl's house, I was taking out for the first time, I felt my stomach cramping.I knew that it was imminent that I would have to take a dump very soon. I rang the doorbell, said hello, went through the introductions with her parents and so-forth. I resisted as long as I could, but knew I had to go before leaving with their daughter on the date.
I asked to use the restroom, and was directed down the hall. I went in and took a dump. No problem right? Well, when I flushed – you guessed it – the toilet began overflowing faster than I could find a solution.
With water and lots of crap flowing out of the toilet, all over the bathroom floor, and heading towards the door, I ran from the bathroom. I sped to the living room where Dad, Mom, and my date were waiting.
I was in obvious panic yelling “the toilet's overflowing, what do I do?” At that point the father rushed to the bathroom, with Mom, date, and me following. Her Dad ran into the bathroom, and slipped of his feet onto the floor covered with water and quite a bit of my crap.
When he got up, he had a log stuck to his back. Believe it or not, I still took their daughter out that night (without sticking around to help clean) and we ended up dating for six years.
“The portrait artist ...
“The portrait artist made extra money as a census taker. He was good at canvasing people.”
My money
"If it were not for my money, this furniture would not be here."
