Popular jokes (3721 to 3735)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Who Should Make the Coffee?
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."The husband said, "You are in charge of the cooking around here so you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides it says in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."Husband replies, "I can't believe that! Show me."So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says, "HEBREWS."Piano Tuner Visit
The doorbell rang and the lady of the house discovered a workman, complete with tool chest, on the front door. “Lady,” he announced, “I’m the piano tuner.”
The lady exclaimed, “Why, I didn’t send for a piano tuner.”
The man replied, “I know, but your neighbors did.”
Annual Convention
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat... As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston"
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
A man goes to the dentist to h
A man goes to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. The dentist takes out a needle to give the man a shot of Novocain. "No way, no needles, I can't stand needles."The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas but the man again objects. "No gas, the mask on my face is suffocating to me."
The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.
"No," said the patient "I'm fine with pills."
The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet."
The patient says, "Wow, I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain pill."
"It doesn't," said the dentist "but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull out your tooth."
Thanksgiving Trio
Three Thanksgiving Jokes: Last Thanksgiving, I had my chance to do the traditional thing of shooting my own turkey.
Man, you should have seen the people scatter in the meat department.
When everyone at the table takes turns saying what they are thankful for, say,
“I'm thankful I didn't get caught,”
and refuse to say anything more.
Keep your eye off the turkey dressing. It makes him blush!
The boss of a big company need...
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes", came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No".
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.
"Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "Why are they there?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They're looking for me."
A woman came to the hospital t...
A woman came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said.
"So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor cleaning machine."
St. Peter and the Blonde
Some ecclesiastical gentlemen -- a cardinal, a couple of bishops and some others -- were waiting outside the Pearly Gates for St. Peter to open up. He finally arrived, but just they were about to enter heaven St. Peter asked them to wait a moment and let a new arrival through first.
A sweet young thing in a mini-skirt arrived and was ushered through.The cardinal was a bit upset about this and demanded an explanation from St. Peter. After all, they had been waiting outside for quite some time and were pillars of the church. How could a girl in a mini-skirt deserve better treatment?
St. Peter smiled and told him: "While she was alive, that young lady drove a little yellow sports car. She regularly jumped red lights, overtook on blind corners, and generally scared the devil out of more people than all of you combined."
APRIL FOOL'S DAY PRANKS - Drippy
Use a pin to make a few small holes in a plastic disposable cup. The holes should be near the top, just below the rim. Offer a drink to the victim and watch while the liquid dribbles out onto their shirt when they take a drink. Too Many
So once there was an Chinese man, A mexican, and an american all in the same plane. Now the chinese man Takes a pair of chopstickes and throws them out of the window.
Then he claims "We have too many of those in my country!".
Then the mexican grabs his salsa, throws it out the window and says "We have to many of these in my country!".
Then the american picks up the mexican and throws him out of the window and claims "We have to many of these in my country!".
April Fool's Day - Here are 5 pranks you can play on people
1. Add several odd appointments with alarms set to go off during the day to a co-worker’s Outlook calendar. 2. Hide all of the desktop icons on someone’s computer and replace the monitor’s wallpaper with a screen-shot of their desktop.
3. Put a “Please Use Other Door” sign on the entrance to your office building if it only has one entrance.
4. Put a balloon on the tailpipe of a someone’s car so it will pop when they start their car.
5. Glue the headset of someone’s phone down to the cradle.
