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Popular jokes (4351 to 4365)

Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system.

Generation gap?

During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents young Michael cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving. Don't try and stop me!"

With that he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind.

"Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop me."

"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."

#joke #father
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 7.32/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (22)

“The way solar panels

“The way solar panels take energy from sunlight is so absorbing.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Because of an ear infection, L...

Because of an ear infection, Little Johnny, had to go to the pediatrician. The doctor directed his comments and questions to Little Johnny in a professional manner. When he asked Little Johnny, "Is there anything you are allergic to?" Little Johnny nodded and whispered in his ear. Smiling, the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to Little Johnny's mother. She tucked it into her purse without looking at it.
As the pharmacist filled the order, he remarked on the unusual food- drug interaction Little Johnny must have. Little Johnny's mother looked puzzled until he showed her the label on the bottle. As per the doctor's instructions, it read, "Do not take with broccoli."
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.85/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (20)

Damn he can drive!

This guy is on the street corner spitting and cussing.

A little old lady goes and gets a cop, telling him there is a guy spitting and cussing.

Sure enough when the cop come up to the guy he spits and says, "Damn, that guy can drive a car."

The cop tells him to stop spitting and cussing. And then asks him what the problem is.

The man again spits and says, "Damn, that guy can drive a car."

The cops again tells him not to spit and cuss and asks him what the problem is.

The man replies, "I was thumbing a ride when this guy stops and picked me up. He takes off at 100 miles an hour, and I am scared to death.

"As we entered town the guy slows down to about 60 miles per hour and skids into a alley where again he picks up speed.

"Right in front of us are two 18 wheelers parked on either side of the alley with only 4 feet between them.

"I screamed out 'We are going to die!'

"Then right before we were going to crash I looked over and told the guy, 'If you get us out of this I will suck your dick!'"

Again he spits and tells the cop, "Damn, that guy can drive a car."

Submitted by Greg

Edited by The whole team

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (50)

Come forth and you shall receive eternal glory

And Jesus said unto Peter, "Come forth and you shall receive eternal glory"

But Peter came fifth, and won only a toaster.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Head Out On the Highway

I think the scariest part of the song “Born to be Wild”...
Is when they find a head out on the highway.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

I Get So Drunk That I Imagine Things

The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?"
"A mongoose."
"What for?"
"Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection."
"But," the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes."
"That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose."
#joke #animal #snake
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Chuck Norris does the Sunday N...

Chuck Norris does the Sunday New York Times Crossword Puzzle in ink.
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 3.11/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (63)

Staircase

“The construction worker reported the work on the top floor of the house was proceeding fine until they got to the staircase. Then it was a downward spiral.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.77/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (13)

IT Students

An IT student is walking along with his bike when another IT student walks up to him and goes “Nice bike. Where did you get it?”

The first student says, “The other day, this beautiful woman ran up to me with this bike, threw it on the ground, ripped off all her clothes and said ‘Take anything you want!’”

The first student says, “So I took the bike”.

The second student says, “Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit”.

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

A golfer, who was known for hi...

A golfer, who was known for his bad temper, walked into the Pro Shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a new set of woods.
The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them for the first time - more than half expecting he'd come in and demand his money back.
But the next time he came in, he was all smiles.
"They're the best clubs I've ever had," he said. "In fact, I've discovered I can throw them at least 40 yards farther than I could my last ones."
#joke #sport #golfer
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

If a person wants to be a part of your life

If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Minion Quotes - Despicable Me Minions is a website dedicated to minions. Have a good time reading minion quotes, funny quotes or entertain yourself playing minion games. Sajt vise ne radi
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

Klopman diamond....

A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it.

"This is the Klopman diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it."

"What's the curse?" the man asked.

"Mr. Klopman."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 9.38/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (8)

APOLLOgize

Whenever a moon landing goes horribly wrong, NASA must APOLLOgize.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Q: How did the blonde fisherma...

Q: How did the blonde fisherman die?
A: He was run over by the Zamboni.
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

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