Popular jokes (4771 to 4785)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
A man with a bag of Lays potat...
A man with a bag of Lays potato chips taunted Chuck Norris: "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris ate the chips, the bag, and the man.Out in the car...
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car.
The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and the man's girlfriend kissing in the back seat. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend.
The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar, laughing.
"What's so funny?" the bartender asked.
"That darned Pete!" the drunk chortled. "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"
Q: What do you get when you cr...
Q: What do you get when you cross a fortune teller with a prostitute? A: A whoroscope.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade a...
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. Then it blew up.How Did the Hackers Escape
"Hey officer, how did the hackers escape?"
"No idea, they just ransomware!"
Ted walks into a bar and shout...
Ted walks into a bar and shouts out, "So... who's the strongest person in here?"The toughest guy looks at him and says, "I am the strongest person around these parts!"
Ted politely asks, "Can you help me push my car to the gas station?"
A man goes to a sperm bank and
A man goes to a sperm bank and says, "I'd like to make a deposit please."The doctor says, "Go and fill this up," and gives the man a bottle.
Three days later the man returns to the sperm bank, marches into the doctor's office and says, "I've tried with my left hand and tried with my right hand. My wife has tried with her left hand and her right hand. My mother-in-law has tried with a rubber glove on and even took her teeth out and tried with her mouth -- none of us can get the top off that bottle!"
When I saw the depressed mathe...
When I saw the depressed mathematician, I asked “What sum adder with you?” You Might Be A Redneck If 10
You might be a redneck if...
You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!", "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin'?" (If they respond with the same... they're a redneck too!)
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
You've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
You clean your nails with a stick.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
Your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included.
People are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe.
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
Scared Dad
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.
The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed."
The second kid replies,"Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door."
An English teacher reminds her...
An English teacher reminds her students of the written test in her class tomorrow:"Now, I don't want anyone to miss this important finals exam! I will not tolerate any excuse whatsoever for your absence--unless of course you had to go to the hospital because of a serious injury, or someone died in your immediate family."
Just after she spoke, a wise ass in the back of the class exclaims: "Well, what if I were to tell you that I didn't show up for the test because I experienced complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The students in the class try to suppress their snickers and muffled laughter.
The teacher looks sympathetically towards the young man, smiles slyly and states: "Well, then...you'll have to write with your other hand".
Affording A New Mansion
How did the Dermatologist and the Dentist afford their new mansion?
By the skin of their teeth.
That podiatrist is v...
“That podiatrist is very sneaky. Give him an arch, he will take a foot.”
Lettter from god
One day God was looking down to earth and saw all the evil going on.
He decided to send an angel down to earth to check it out. So, he called on a female angel and sent her to earth for a time.
When she returned she told God, yes, it was bad on earth - 95 percent of people were bad and only 5 percent were good.
Well, God thought for a moment and said that maybe he had better send down a male angel and so get both points of view. So God called a male angel and sent him down to earth for a time.
When the male angel returned, he went to God and told him - yes, the earth was in decline. Ninety-five percent were bad and 5 percent were good.
God said that this was not good. He would send a letter to the 5 percent of people that were good to encourage them and give them something to help keep them going.
Do you know what the letter said?
Oh, so you didn't get one either?
