Popular jokes (5851 to 5865)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
The Iowa Wage and Hour Departm...
The Iowa Wage and Hour Department claimed a man owning a small farm was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him."I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
"Well, there are my hired hands. One has been with me for four years; the other for three. I pay them each $600 a week, plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a month plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit that works here about 18 hours a day. He takes home $10 a week and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every week," replied the farmer.
"That's the guy I want to talk to; the half-wit," said the agent.
The farmer said, "That would be me."
Computer error
A husband and a wife were trying to set up a new password to their computer.
The husband said "Put MYPENIS."
The wife fell on the ground laughing because on screen was an error message...
"Error. Not long enough."
Getting a Cake
Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'll be playing in my room for the next two hours. I sure would like a piece of cake when you're finished."
Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cooled cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Golly, it worked!"
Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?"
Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first!"
What do you do when 50 zombies...
What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? - Hope it's Halloween.
Men don't care what's on TV
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Jerry Seinfeld (April 29 1954-)
Picture: REX FEATURES
A Greek and Italian were sitti...
A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture.Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well we have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire".
...and so on and on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.
With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian thinks for a couple of seconds and replies quietly,
"That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"
Where Is God?
A couple had two little boys who were always getting into trouble. Their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their village, their sons were probably involved. The boys' mother heard that an elder in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her sons. The elder agreed, but asked to see them separately. So, the mother sent her youngest son first, in the morning. The elder, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response.So the elder repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the wide-eyed boy made no attempt to answer. The elder raised his voice and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into a closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him hiding, he asked, "What happened?"The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing, and they think WE did it!" When our lawn mower broke and
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wifekept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.But, somehow I always had something else to take care of -first, the truck, the car, playing golf 'Always something more important to me.Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. WhenI arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.I watched silently for a short time and then went into thehouse. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handedher a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass,you might as well sweep the driveway.'
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
Undercover Detective
A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?""No, I am an undercover detective."
"So why are you in uniform?"
"Today is my day off."
A note from mom...
John, a well-to-do bachelor, invited his mother over for dinner one night. During the meal, Mom couldn't help notice how attractive and shapely the house keeper was, and wondered if there was more going on than meets the eye. John sensing what his mother was thinking said to her "I know what you're thinking, Mom, but I assure you my relationship with the house keeper is purely professional."
A week later, the house keeper told John that ever since his mother's visit a silver gravy ladle has been missing. John sent his mother a note which said, "Mom, I'm not saying you did take the gravy ladle, and I'm not saying you didn't, but the fact remains one has been missing since you were here".
A few days later he receives a note from his mother. "John: I'm not saying you sleep with your house keeper, nor am I saying you're not. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom".
Dream
My grandson Jim found a penny in the grass and proudly displayed it to me. "What good is it?" I said, "You cant buy anything with it."
"Yes you can," Jim replied promptly. "You can buy a dream in a wishing well."
Name the State Capitol
There was this blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. So one evening she went home and memorized all the state capitals.
Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do ... I memorized all the state capitals."
One of the guys, of course, said "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?"
"N", she answered.
Can We Have a Hanukkah Tree?
Admiring the Christmas trees displayed in his neighbor's windows, a child asks his father, "Daddy, can we have a Hanukkah Tree?" "What? No, of course not." says his father. "Why not?" asks the child again.Bewildered, his father replies, "Because the last time we had dealings with a lighted bush we spent 40 years in the wilderness."A Sunday school teacher asked...
A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping." 
