Popular jokes (6226 to 6240)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Really funny jokes-Degree of Urgency
Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne Diamond when he used the word 'manyana'.
Diamond asked him to explain what it meant.
He said that the term means "maybe the job will be done tomorrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?"
The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in Irish.
"No. In Ireland we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency," replied Brennan.
Diamond asked him to explain what it meant.
He said that the term means "maybe the job will be done tomorrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?"
The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in Irish.
"No. In Ireland we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency," replied Brennan.
#joke
For their anniversary, a coupl...
For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting.When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn't do!"
"I suppose," the husband responded dryly, "we could clean the house."
#joke #food #dinner #dessert
Kissing a Nun
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.""Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."She responds, "Well, let's see if you qualify. #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley."He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying."My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?""Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a costume party."-#joke
A married couple are driving a...
A married couple are driving along a highway doing sixty mph, the wife behind the wheel.Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to seventy mph.
He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.
"I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck.
Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph.
He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster. By now she's up to ninety mph.
"All right," he says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too."
The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling.
This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife says, "No, I've got everything I need."
"Oh, really," he says, "so what have you got?"
Right before they slam into the wall at a hundred mph, the wife smiles and says, "The airbag."
The leading causes of death in...
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer#joke #short #chuck-norris
Aliens DO indeed exist. They j...
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.#joke #short #chuck-norris
One Day the Devil challenged t...
One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I've got Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here."
"Yes", laughed the devil, "but I have all the umpires!"
People say that there is no di...
People say that there is no difference between ‘finished’ and ‘complete’. I say there is...Marry the right person, and you’re COMPLETE.
Marry the wrong person, and you’re FINISHED.
#joke #short
The district attorney stared a...
The district attorney stared at the jury, unable to believe the "not guilty" verdict he'd just heard. Bitterly, he asked, "What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?"The foreman answered, "Insanity."
The attorney responded, still incredulous, "I could understand that, but... all twelve of you?"
#joke
Fool in love...
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
#joke #short
Next time someone asks you if ...
Next time someone asks you if they can "sneak by you," ask them how the hell they plan to do that when you know they are going by.Tell them that next time they should not warn you, and maybe, just maybe, they could sneak by.
#joke #short
