Popular jokes (6511 to 6525)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Really funny jokes-Bizarre bank robbery
The town's bank manager called the police station to report a robbery.
'You'll never believe what happened, Sergeant. A truck backed up to my bank, the doors opened. Out comes these robbers and they lead an elephant out of the truck. The elephant then breaks through my plate glass window, sticks his trunk in, sucks up all the money. Then the gang lead the elephant back into the truck. The robbers close the truck doors and the truck pulled away.'
The desk sergeant said, 'Could you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an African elephant or an Indian elephant?'
'How can you tell the difference?' asked the bank manager.
'Well,' said the sergeant, 'The African elephant has great big ears whereas the Indian elephant has little ears. So which kind of elephant was used in the robbery?'
'How should I know? I couldn't see his ears,' said the bank manager. 'He had a stocking over his head.'
'You'll never believe what happened, Sergeant. A truck backed up to my bank, the doors opened. Out comes these robbers and they lead an elephant out of the truck. The elephant then breaks through my plate glass window, sticks his trunk in, sucks up all the money. Then the gang lead the elephant back into the truck. The robbers close the truck doors and the truck pulled away.'
The desk sergeant said, 'Could you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an African elephant or an Indian elephant?'
'How can you tell the difference?' asked the bank manager.
'Well,' said the sergeant, 'The African elephant has great big ears whereas the Indian elephant has little ears. So which kind of elephant was used in the robbery?'
'How should I know? I couldn't see his ears,' said the bank manager. 'He had a stocking over his head.'
Top Ten Ways To Annoy Your Waiter
From the Late Show with David Letterman - Friday, January 13, 1995 with revisions made by John Insor.
10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip.
9. Ask, "Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?"
8. After he describes each special, you shout, "Garbage!"
7. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, "Minimum wage".
6. Every few seconds, yell, "More waffles, Cuomo!"
5. Insist that before ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil.
4. Tie tablecloth around neck and say, "You wouldn't charge Superman for dinner, would you?"
3. Every time you eat or drink, cough really hard.
2. As he walks by to the kitchen, scream, "He's gonna spit in the chowder!"
1. Three words: eat the check.
Release Date Issues
Why did Star Wars episodes 4, 5, and 6 come out before 1, 2, and 3?
In charge of the release dates, Yoda was.
#joke #short
Chuck Norris once leaned again...
Chuck Norris once leaned against a tower in Pisa, Italy.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Trying to Please Mama
The first woman was elected U.S. president. She called her mom to make sure she was coming to the inauguration. "I don’t know, dear. What would I wear?”
"Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll send a designer to help you.”
"But you know I need special foods for my diet.”
"Mom, I’m going to the president. I can get you the food you need.”
"But how will I get there?”
"I’ll send a limo, Mom. Just come!”
"OK, OK, if it makes you happy.”
The great day came, and Mama was seated with the future cabinet members. She nudged the man on her right. “See that girl, the one with her hand on the Bible? Her brother’s a doctor!”
Business one-liners 65
If ignorance is bliss, most of us must be orgasmic.If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it and you will break it.
If it doesn't make sense, it's either economics or psychology.
If it doesn't work, expand it.
If it happens, it must be possible.
If it is good, they will stop making it.
If it is incomprehensible, it's mathematics.
If it is worth doing, it is worth doing for money.
If it is worth doing, it is worth over-doing.
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
#joke
Goodbye, mother
Walking through a supermarket, a young man noticed an old lady following him around. He ignored her for a while, but when he got to the checkout line, she got in front of him.
“Pardon me,” she said. “I'm sorry if I've been staring, but you look just like me son who died recently.
“I'm sorry for your loss,” the young man replied. “Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Well, as I'm leaving, could you just say ‘Goodbye, mother!?' It would make me feel so much better.” She gave him a sweet smile.
“Of course I can,” the young man promised.
As she gathered her bags and left, he called out “Goodbye, mother!” just as she had requested, feeling good about her smile.
Stepping up to the counter, he saw that his total was about $100 higher than it should be. “That amount is wrong,” he said. “I only have a few items!”
“Oh, your mother said that you would pay for her,” explained the clerk.
#joke #mother
A white guy is walking along a
A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and then begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Then, there's a knock at the door. He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead. As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two blonde genies.
One blonde genie says to the other one, "I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire. But why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me."
#joke #blonde
The Sin
Two elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together in the front pew of a church listening to a fiery preacher.When this preacher condemned the sin of stealing, these two ladies cried out at the tops of their lungs, "AMEN, BROTHER!" When the preacher condemned the sin of lust, they yelled again, "PREACH IT, REVEREND!" And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying, they jumped to their feet and screamed, "RIGHT ON, BROTHER! TELL IT LIKE IT IS... AMEN!" But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet. One turned to the other and said, "He's quit preaching and now he's meddlin'."#joke
Everyone on a passenger ship c...
Everyone on a passenger ship could see a bearded man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands."Who is that man?" a passenger asked the ship's captain. "Why is he so upset?"
"I have no idea," the Captain replied, "but, every year when we pass by here, he goes crazy."
#joke #short
Three convicts were on the way...
Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time whilst stuck behind bars. On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?"The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail."
Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"
The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any number of games."
The third convict was sitting quietly aside grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"
The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. "I brought these."
The other two were puzzled and asked, "What can you do with those?"
He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating..."
