Popular jokes (6556 to 6570)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
The answer....
A businessman was in a great deal of trouble. His business was failing, he had put everything he had into the business, he owed everybody-- it was so bad he was even contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went to a priest and poured out his story of tears and woe.
When he had finished, the priest said, "Here's what I want you to do: Put a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down to the beach. Take the beach chair and the Bible to the water's edge, sit down in the beach chair, and put the Bible in your lap. Open the Bible; the wind will rifle the pages, but finally the open Bible will come to rest on a page. Look down at the page and read the first thing you see. That will be your answer, that will tell you what to do."
A year later the businessman went back to the priest and brought his wife and children with him. The man was in a new custom-tailored suit, his wife in a mink coat, the children shining. The businessman pulled an envelope stuffed with money out of his pocket, gave it to the priest as a donation in thanks for his advice.
The priest recognized the benefactor, and was curious. "You did as I suggested?" he asked.
"Absolutely," replied the businessman.
"You went to the beach?"
"Absolutely."
"You sat in a beach chair with the Bible in your lap?"
"Absolutely."
"You let the pages rifle until they stopped?"
"Absolutely."
"And what were the first words you saw?"
"Chapter 11."
The Big Man Upstairs
Teacher: What are you grateful for?
Megan: I’m grateful for the big man upstairs.
Little Johnny: Not me, the big man upstairs drives me nuts! He practices river dancing every night for an hour.
How much?
A man meets a woman at a bar and asks her
"Would you have sex with me for 10 million dollars?"
Without skipping a beat she screams
"Yes!"
The man then asks
"What about for $20?"
She looks at him sideways and says
"What do you think I am, a whore?"
The man says
"We've already established that you are, now we're just negotiating."
Deciding what Christ...
“Deciding what Christmas gifts to give makes one present tense.”
Good jokes-Difference between Heaven and Hell
In Heaven:The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Italian,
The bankers are Swiss.
In Hell:
The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Italian.
Five guys were in a bar. Feeli...
Five guys were in a bar. Feeling slightly sloshed, they started to argue with each other about the size of their penises.Eventually the discussion escalated into a full-blown argument, with each man thinking his penis was the biggest. The bartender suggested, "Put them on the bar so we can compare."
The drunks did just that. Shortly, a gay man came in the bar, looked around, and said to the bartender, "I think I'll have the buffet."
Burnt offering
Two men were down at the pub talking.
The first man said, "My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won't let me do any work around the house. It's incredible !"
The second man says, "That's nothing. My wife thinks I'm God!"
"She thinks you're God? What makes you say that?"
"Easy, every night she places a burnt offering before me!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Beans
One of the matrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous beans for the church potluck, and her son, Little Johnny, came running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BBs in the other. He tripped and the BBs, naturally, went right into the pot of beans. Thinking it over, Little Johnny could think of no reason why he should risk punishment, so he said nothing.
The dinner went well, and, as usual, the beans were one of the favorite dishes. The next day, the church secretary, Mary, called Little Johnny's mother and said, "Jane, your beans were delicious as usual, but what did you put in them this time?"
Jane replied, "Nothing new, why do you ask?" "Well," said Mary, "this morning I bent over to feed the cat , and shot the canary."
Trump chose a leaky bottle of...
Trump chose a leaky bottle of vinegar for his cabinet. The press wrote ,”Meet the new Secretory Acetate“. Goodbye, mother
Walking through a supermarket, a young man noticed an old lady following him around. He ignored her for a while, but when he got to the checkout line, she got in front of him.
“Pardon me,” she said. “I'm sorry if I've been staring, but you look just like me son who died recently.
“I'm sorry for your loss,” the young man replied. “Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Well, as I'm leaving, could you just say ‘Goodbye, mother!?' It would make me feel so much better.” She gave him a sweet smile.
“Of course I can,” the young man promised.
As she gathered her bags and left, he called out “Goodbye, mother!” just as she had requested, feeling good about her smile.
Stepping up to the counter, he saw that his total was about $100 higher than it should be. “That amount is wrong,” he said. “I only have a few items!”
“Oh, your mother said that you would pay for her,” explained the clerk.
When the musician go...
“When the musician got in a car accident, his guitar was destroyed. The accident was a Fender bender.”
Wake up call
A man and his wife were having some problems and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he'd need his wife to wake him at 5 a.m. for an early flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper: "Please wake me at 5 a.m."
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9 a.m. and he'd missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and scream at his wife when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed that said: "It's 5 a.m. Wake up.
