Popular jokes (9151 to 9165)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
The newly rich couple were hav
The newly rich couple were having trouble adjusting to life in their mansion. After the first dinner there, the husband asked his wife, "Shall we have coffee in the library?""Too late," she replied. "The library closes at five."
Chuck Norris once kicked a hor...
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.Funny New Year jokes-One person who makes life worth living
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.
As the clock struck - the bartender was almost crushed to death.
One day, an 80-year-old man co
One day, an 80-year-old man comes home and finds his 80-year-old wife doing a handstand, naked, against a wall.Shocked, he asks, "What are you doing?"
She responds, "I know you can't get it up, but maybe you can drop in."
Yes Dear
The judge frowned at the tired robber and said, “then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights?””Yes, your honor.”
“And why was that?”
“Because my wife wanted a dress.”
The judge check with his records, “But it says here you broke in three nights in a row!”
“Yes sir. She made me exchange it two times.”
Two aliens landed in the...
Two aliens landed in the Little Desert near an abandoned petrol station.
They approached the petrol pumps and one of them said to it " Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader".
The petrol pump of course did not respond. The alien repeated the greeting and there was still no response. Annoyed by what he perceived as the petrol pump's haughty attitude the alien drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings Earthling, we come in peace. How dare you ignore us this way?
Take us to your leader or I will fire."
The other alien shouted to his companion, "No, you must not anger him....", but before he could finish his warning the first alien fired.
There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 metres into the desert where they landed in a heap.
When they finally regained consciousness the one who fired turned to the other one and said "What a ferocious creature. It nearly killed us. How did you know it was so dangerous?"
The other alien answered, "If there is one thing I have learned in my travel around the galaxy it's if a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick in his own ear, you don't screw around with him."
A guy walks into the doctor's ...
A guy walks into the doctor's office. There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."
I heard Vladimir Putin started
I heard Vladimir Putin started a company and I thought, ‘Well, that's biz czar.'Bush in the White House
Former U.S. President George Bush said he would like to seehis son, Governor George W. Bush, in the White House.
Polls, however, indicate that the public is fed up with the
Monica Lewinsky scandal and does not want to see any more
Bush in the White House.
An American businessman goes t
An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.
Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up at the door with the pizza.
The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?"
The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on pizza what you order: pepper only."
An old Jewish couple were havi
An old Jewish couple were having an argument.Sadie, the Wife: "It's Ha-WAI-i!"
Morris, the Husband: "No, it's Ha-VAI-i!"
Both being extremely stubborn and too proud to look it up, they continued on like this on their way to the grocer's. On their way they bumped into a stranger and decided to finish it once and for all.
Morris: "Hello there. Tell me, please. Is it Ha-WAI-i or Ha-VAI-i?"
The stranger: "Ha-VAI-i."
Morris to Sadie: "See, Sadie? Never doubt me."
Morris to stranger: "Thank you very much."
Stranger: "You're velcome."
Hick Computer Terms
Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter.
Log Off: Don't add no wood.
Monitor: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.
Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
Mega Hertz: When yer not careful down loadin'.
Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood.
Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.
Hard Drive: Getting' home in the winter season.
Prompt: What you wish the mail was in the winter.
Windows: What to shut when it's below 15 below.
Screen: What 'cha need for the black fly season.
Byte: That's what the flies do.
Chip: What to munch on.
Micro Chip: What's left in the bottom of the bag.
Infrared: Where the left-overs go when Fred's around.
Modem: What 'cha did to the hay fields.
Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix's wife.
Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy.
Keyboard: Where ya hang your keys.
Software: Them plastic eatin' utensils.
Mouse: Whats eats the horses grain.
Main Frame: Hold up the barn roof.
Port: Fancy wine.
Enter: C'mon in.
Random Access Memory: You can't remember whatcha' paid for that new rifle when your wife asks.
Fuzz
Phillip and Phoebe are parked in Lover's Lane.He embraces her with one arm, and begins to explore with the other hand. Looking over her shoulder, he sees a policeman approaching.
"Awwwww Hell !" he murmured, "Fuzz !"
"What did ya expect ?" Phoebe sez, "A perm?"
Christmas Eve Accident
Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something related to or associated with Christmas.
The first man searches his pockets and finds mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a candy cane, so he is also allowed in.The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
"They're Carol's."
