Popular jokes (9676 to 9690)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
People with diabetes shouldn&#
People with diabetes shouldn't fool around. No more hanky pancreas!Said the FBI agent to the bank
Said the FBI agent to the bank teller after the bank was robbed for the third time by the same bandit: "Did you notice anything special about the man?""Yes, he seemed better dressed each time!"
If I were a millionaire
“Take a pencil and paper,” the teacher said, “and write an essay with the title ‘If I Were a Millionaire.'”
Everyone but Philip began to write furiously. He just leaned back in his chair and folded his arms.
“What's the matter,” the teacher asked. “Why don't you begin?”
“I'm waiting for my secretary,” he replied.
Source: Just Clean Jokes
Do Asian cannibals eat a lot o
Do Asian cannibals eat a lot of raw-men noodles?As the crowded elevator descen
As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I... I... didn't pinch that girl."
"Of course you didn't," said his wife, consolingly. "I did!"
Room 8
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks,"Religion?"
The man says, "Methodist."
St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but
be very quiet as you pass room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?"
"Baptist."
"Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?"
"Jewish." "Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room
8."
The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms
for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass
room 8?"
St. Peter tells him, "Well the Catholics are in room 8, and
they think they're the only ones here.
Do You Know Where You Were Going?
A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.
Really funny jokes-Boy baby
The boy baby quickly chirps up, "I'm a boy baby!"
"How can you tell?" asks girl baby.
"Easy," says boy baby. And, with that, he threw off the blankets, hoisted up his itty-bitty night-shirt and proudly pointed downward. "See.....blue booties"
Back to Back
Last night, my wife and I watched two movies back to back.
Fortunately for me, I was the one who was facing the television.
How Many Christians Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?
Charismatic: Only 1 - Hands are already in the air.Pentecostal: 10 - One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None - Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None - Candles only. (Of guaranteed origin of course.)
Baptists: At least 15 - One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
Episcopalians: 3 - One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Mormons: 5 - One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined - Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
Nazarene: 6 - One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None - Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish: What’s a light bulb?
Last request...
The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning.
Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him.
But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he didn't want anything special.
When they asked if there was something special he wanted to do, he said nothing.
Finally when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold.
"No," the inmate said, "just get it over with."
"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the guard.
The inmate thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One thing I would really like, is to sing my favorite song, the whole thing, with no interruptions."
The guard nodded and told him to go ahead.
The inmate started, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall..."
I can't help but stare a...
I can't help but stare at large mansions, especially since my wife always tells me to watch my manors.Three prisoners are captured i
Three prisoners are captured in the war, and are about to be executed. They are asked what they wish to have for their last meal.The Italian asks for Peperoni Pizza, which he is served and then taken away.
The Frenchmen requests a Filet Mignon, which he is served and also taken away.
The Jewish man requests a plate of strawberries.
The captors are surprised and reply, "STRAWBERRIES?"
"Yes, Strawberries."
"But they are out of season!"
"I'll wait..."
