Popular jokes (9691 to 9705)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Hard Work
When I was young, I was poor...
But after many years of hard work, I am no longer young.
Guilt...
A son calls his mother. Mom how are you. Mom replies. Not too good. I haven't eaten in 38 days.
Replying with concern, the son asks "what's the matter mom, are you not feeling well, have you been to the doctor?"
Mom replies, not that, "I didn't want to have my mouth full of food when you called."
Question And Answer Blond Jokes
Q: What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade four.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
Star Wars Characters
My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters.
My daughter Chewbacca not so much.
A blonde pushes her BMW ...
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.
She approaches the mechanic and tells him her car just died.
The mechanic spends a few minutes working on the car and gets it working smoothly again.
The blond looks at the mechanic and says, "So, what's the story?"
The mechanic replies, "Just crap in the carburettor."
In a state of amazement she answers, "How often do I have to do that?"
A.J. Jamal: Los Angeles Homeless
Homeless people here are different. You ever notice that? Our homeless people are serious, man. They have signs that not only say, 'Will work for food,' some of them have what they want: 'Baked potato, salad, shrimp, sweet potato pie, sour chives.'
I sat naked on a bucket of fro...
I sat naked on a bucket of frozen water, after someone suggested I run for moon icy pail government.Dead?
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years, and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the damn wall!"
After three years of marriage,
After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband abouthis lurid past."C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women haveyou slept with?"
"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit".
Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.
"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there'syou - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.."
Hot Revenge
Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary couldnt believe it! He said, Whats wrong with you? Were being boiled alive! Theyre gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this? The other missionary replied, I just peed in the soup!Signs Your Wife Might Be Having An Affair With Santa . . .
Instead of mailing your kids letters to santa, she just stuffs them in her bra
She smells kinda like a combination of peppermint sticks and reindeer chow
For christmas, your kids get something called "The Your Daddy SUCKS Doll"
She refers to your bed as "Santa's Workshop"
Paramedics had to use the jaws of life to jar her outta the chimney
When you ask for sex she says: "Not tonight--visions of sugarplums are dancing in my head"
Laurel and Hardy jokes-Dead or Alive?
Hardy: “Alive.”
Laurel: “You mostly lie to me. I don't know whether to trust you or not.”
Hardy: “Then I must be dead. You won't dare to call me a liar if I were alive.”
Hilarious jokes-Toss a coin
Peter arrived late and the game had already started. Harry asked him, "What kept you?"
Peter replied, "I could not make up my mind between going to church and going to the football game. So I tossed a coin."
"So what took you so long?" asked Harry.
Peter answered,"I had to toss it 40 times."
A farmer in the country notice
A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house) and would always leave with a stringer full of fish.The fellow had a boat but a fishing pole was not to be seen. The farmer mentioned the situation to the game warden. The warden then started watching this man and all that the farmer said was true! The man would arrive at the lake in the morning and by early afternoon, he had a stringer full of fish.
The warden dressed like a fisherman one day and approached the man. They exchanged pleasantries and the stranger asked the warden in disguise to come fish with him. They boated for 45 minutes and arrived at a secluded spot.
The stranger then pulled out a stick of dynamite. The warden said, "I'm going to have to place you under arrest--I am a game warden and you are fishing illegally!"
The stranger calmly lit the stick of dynamite and handed it to the warden. The stranger then said, "Are you gonna talk or fish?"
