Popular jokes (10336 to 10350)

Q: Why do Mexicans eat beans f

Q: Why do Mexicans eat beans for dinner?
A: So they can take bubble baths.

 Steven Wright 03

Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...
Sorry, my mind was wandering. One time my mind went all the way to Venus on mail order and I couldn't pay for it.
I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, "Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile." I spent last summer folding it. I also have a full-size map of the world. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, "E6".
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world . . . Perhaps you've seen it.

Bunny balls

Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?

A: Because they have cotton balls.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Glaci

Back Together Again

My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again.
MAN, I sure am LUCKY!
I mean, first I win the lottery and now THIS!!!

Elevator Shoes

Q: What's yellow and goes up and down?

A: A banana in an elevator.

Sophomore course

How many Duke freshmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because that's a sophomore course at Florida State and Virginia.

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

A man with a wooden eye was ve...

A man with a wooden eye was very sensitive about his eye for fear of people making fun of him. One day this man decides to go out and have some fun. So, he goes to a bar and orders a beer. Then, out of the corner of his eye he sees a woman with a flat face. He thinks,” Well, she wouldn't make fun of me because she would understand how I feel." So, he finally gathers up the courage to talk to her, he goes over and asks her, “Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?" And the woman answers, “Would I!!!" (Wood Eye) The man, obviously offended, screams, "flat face!!!" and storms out of the bar.

I'm moving to Japan, for

I'm moving to Japan, for the Sony weather.

Popcorn

Why are men like popcorn?

They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

If your employer refuses to pa

If your employer refuses to pay you more money, no problem. Just accuse them of raisism.

Kyle Grooms: Black Family Skiing

My mother... would save her money and take us skiing on the weekend, which was brave. She took a black family skiing. This was the 80s -- brothers werent skiing, man. People didnt know what we were coming down the mountain. Theyd be looking up, confused, Oh my God, are those bears? I think I see bears skiing down the mountain! Huh, theyre African Americans trying something new. Whats next -- golf?

Caveman Booty Call... Hot

You're the hottest thing since fire. I know it's not saying much because we discovered it yesterday, but still.

Hear ab

Hear about the businessman turned serial killer?

An architect, an artist and an

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" they asked.
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

rude jerk

this guy walked into a lounge, and this was one of those type of guys that's bold and rude and will say about anything to a woman, you know the type, and he noticed this attractive lady siting by her self. the guy walks over and sits down beside her and says, you know baby, i would kinda like to get in your pants. unshaken by his rude comment, the lady calmly looks around at the guy and says, I already have one asshole in my pants, why would I need another one?