Popular jokes (10336 to 10350)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
I come from a village of mapma
I come from a village of mapmakers. When I left home my parents said ‘Son, never forget your routes.'A small boy is wandering in a
A small boy is wandering in a hotel, and hearing some noises decides to open a door. He says "Wow, it's dark here!"You can imagine that there's a man with a woman in bed in that room... The man asks, "What do you want? Here's a pound, leave us alone."
A bit latter, the boy goes back again, opens the door, and says: "Wow, it's dark here!"
"Not you again! Here, take this and go buy yourself something." And the boy goes out with 2 pounds.
The following morning, the boy feels some remorse, and tells what happened to his mother. She says: "That's wrong. You should go to the church, and confess yourself."
So there he goes. Entering the booth, he says: "Wow, it's dark here!".
To which the priest says: "Not you again, are you following me around?"
A Collection Of Insults
A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.
Takes his imagination out for a walk and ends up being dragged around the block by it.
Talks to plants on their own level.
Team player... No chance he'll develop a personality on his own.
Teflon brain -- nothing sticks. -- Lilly Tomlin
The best part of him ran down his mother's legs. -- Jackie Gleason
The butter slipped off his noodle.
The cheese slid off his cracker.
The definitive answer is: Her glass is half empty.
The fan is working but the freon's leaked out.
The going got weird, and he turned pro.
The heater's plugged in but the rheostat's shot.
The perfect personality to write software manuals.
The space between his ears powers vacuum pumps.
The spit valve's fallen off his trumpet again.
The twinkle in his eyes is actually the sun shining between his ears.
Having been married ten years
Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home".Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again.
Joel, she said, I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath.
Don't worry. replied her husband. If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy curtains.
I sell plastic pens. I
I sell plastic pens. I'm kind of a Bic deal.Chuck Norris can speak Russian...
Chuck Norris can speak Russian...in Chinese.Chuck Norris is currently suin...
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.Answering Machine Message 32
Hi, you've reached the home of George Ledec. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now. Otherwise, press 3 and leave your message now. Pressing 3 is optional.
Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauc...
Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.John Mulaney: Body Is Bad at Sports
My body is bad at sports: thats the problem. I say that my body is bad at sports because I think my brain is good at sports. I think that my brain understands how a human being could dribble down a basketball court and then make a layup. But then it has to outsource the job to my weird and feminine limbs. So when I play basketball, it looks like I just bought my body and I dont know how it works yet.Now that I'm older....here's what I've discovered...
1. I started out with nothing ... I still have most of it.2. When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All-Bran?
3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
5. All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
9. I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.
10. Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
11. A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
12. Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seatcause kids.
13. It's not the pace of life that concerns me; it's the sudden stop atthe end.
14. It's hard to make a comeback, especially when you haven't beenanywhere.
15. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
16. When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone elsedecide to play chess?
Little League Etiquette
“Look, Charlie,” the coach said, “you know the principles of good sportsmanship. You know the Little League doesn’t allow temper tantrums, shouting at the umpire, or abusive language.”
“Yes sir, I understand.”
“Good, Charlie. Now, would you explain that to your father?”
