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Knock Knock Collection 096
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Isaac!
Isaac who?
Isaac coming out?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Isabella!
Isabella who?
Isabella out of order!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Isabelle!
Isabelle who?
Isabelle necessary on a bicycle?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Isadore!
Isadore who?
Isadore locked, I can't get in!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Isaiah!
Isaiah who?
Isaiah again Knock Knock
!
Don't fondle anyone insi
Don't fondle anyone inside a courtroom. That's perv jury.Pick-up line comebacks...
He: Haven't we met before?
She: Yes, I'm the receptionist at the Bad Breath Clinic.
He: Is this seat empty?
She: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
He: So, wanna go back to my place?
She: I don't know. Can two people fit under a rock?
He: Your place or mine?
She: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.
He: So what do you do for a living?
She: I'm a female impersonator.
He: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
She: Do Not Enter
He: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
She: Unfertilized.
He: Hey, we're both here for the same reason.
She: Right, let's pick up some chicks.
He: I want to give myself to you.
She: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
He: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
She: If I saw you naked, I'd die laughing.
He: I know how to please a woman.
She: Then please leave me alone.
He: I'd go to the end of the world for you.
She: Sure, but would you stay there?
Executive recruiting...
One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the pearly gates by St. Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an executive make it this far, and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in." said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want, to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind; I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.
"Sorry, we have rules..."
And with that, St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives whom she had worked with, and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her.
They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good bye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and she found St. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in Heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in Hell and you've spent a day in Heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," he said.
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down, back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth.
She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is, is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you. Today, you're STAFF."
Subject: Land title FHA
Part of rebuilding New Orleans causes residents to often be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years.Warren Buffett has sto
Warren Buffett has stocking feat.Ma was in the kitchen fiddlin
Ma was in the kitchen fiddlin around when she hollars out... "Pa you need to fix the outhouse!"Pa replies, " there ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."
Ma yells back, "Yes there is now git out there and fix it."
So... Pa mosies out to the outhouse, look's around and yell's back, " there ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse!"
Ma replies "Stick your head in the hole!"
Pa yell's back "I ain't sticking my head in that hole!"
Ma says "ya have to stick your head in the hole to see what to fix."
So with that, pa sticks his head in the hole and looks around and yells back,"Ma there ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"
Ma hollars back, " now take your head out of the hole!"
Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, " Ma!Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the Toilet seat!"
To which ma replies "Hurt's , don't it?!
Quote from Mr. TP: “r...
Quote from Mr. TP: “I pity the stool.“Someone Just Called
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then hung up.
I’m getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
A game warden came upon a duck...
A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to "enforce the laws pending".He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, "Looks like you've had a pretty good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?"
The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden.
The warden took one of the ducks, inserted his finger into the duck's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's a Washington state duck. Do you have a Washington state hunting license?"
The hunter pulled out his wallet and calmly showed the warden a Washington state hunting license.
The warden took a second duck, inserted his finger in the bird's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's an Idaho duck. Do you have an Idaho state hunting license?"
The hunter, a bit put out, produced an Idaho state hunting license.
The warden took a third duck, conducted the same finger test, and said, "This here's an Oregon state duck. Do you have an Oregon state hunting license?"
Once again, only this time more aggravated, the hunter produced the appropriate license.
The warden, a little miffed at having struck out, handed the ducks back to the hunter and said, "You've got all of these licenses, just where the hell are you from?"
The hunter dropped his pants, bent over, and said "You're so smart, YOU tell ME!"
